Why All The Lies? My Son and His Heroin Addiction

by Sandi
(Scotland)

Why does my 23yr old lie to me about his addiction? I now know that he is using heroin, both smoking and, just recently injecting. He is also taking anti depressants and other medication too.

So why does he always lie to me. All I want to do is help him. Am I not helping by acting as normal ... and lending him money? I would rather give it to him than steal from others!!! I do not know what to do.

He has a wonderful 2yr old son but mum is now taking him to live elsewhere. I am afraid this may mean the end of my son, or is he that far gone he won't notice .... it is not just killing him but me too. What can I do to help? I am so afraid he will die, he looks almost gone now!!!!! HELP

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Answer

Hi Sandi

Lying, stealing, manipulating etc. is all part of what addicts do. He's a drug addict so will do anything and everything to ensure he can get his hit. It's not about you and what you can do - the sad reality is that heroin totally rules his life. And until a 'switch' goes off in his head that says 'I want out' (usually once he reaches total rock bottom) - there is unfortunately little you can say or do that will make much of a difference.

The only thing you can do is stop enabling his behavior by giving him money for example - and start practising tough love. Because by doing things like giving him money - you make it easy for him to continue using. He has to start experiencing the FULL consequences his life of addiction creates, otherwise he is never likely to reach that rock bottom where he's ready to turn his life around.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves as is the case with almost all drug addicts. I know it goes against your instincts as a parent where you feel the need to protect and be there for your children - but when dealing with drug addiction that 'being there' is almost always enabling, and keeps an addict like your son stuck even longer in the cycle of addiction.

The best thing to do is try and get your son into a proper treatment for drug addiction program. He'll probably resist the idea, but that should be your goal. He needs professional help. But it all comes back to him being open and ready to accept that help, which most addicts aren't until they've reached their rock bottom.

So don't see your son's addiction as something you need to fix or solve. Only he can - but only once he's ready. In the meantime though - don't make it 'easy' for him to continue in his cycle of addiction by giving him money and 'trying to help out.' You need to be firm and put clear boundaries in place so that you son is forced to start taking responsibility for his life.

Then you can only hope and pray that that switch in your son's head eventually goes off where he decides he's had enough and is ready to get help and turn his life around. You're doing all you can as a parent so don't be hard on yourself. This isn't about you. It's about your son and the choices he's made. We can only hope and pray that one day he'll start choosing differently.

God Bless and Best of Luck

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