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What to Do Re CrackHead Husband?

by Browneyes

I have been with a man for almost 20 years, we have 4 children together. I love him deeply, but our life is taking a dive! We have grown up together, and I would do anything for him.

I just recently found out he is smoking crack, I only found out about 3 mos ago. He keeps a job and he will do his duties around the house most of the time, but he does go off and do his thing, most of the time he comes home at the end of the night, but there are times he stays out all night.

He will spend his whole paycheck in 1 night. He is very secretive, and not very open about this. I don't know how long he has been doing it, but I believe it's been a while.

He and his brother meet up and get together, I have a problem with this, then he will throw in my face, I am trying to come in between family, or I'm jealous of his brother; not true at all.

I know he needs to stay away from him. When I found out about his extracurricular activities, he cried and said it was a relief that I now know, and he promised to stop!

I told him he needed to go to rehab, he said to let him try and quit on his own, which I agreed, that was 3 mos ago and it hasn't stopped it actually did get better, and now it is much worse!

I managed to get him to cut up his debit card, but now he has mine. I know he has a problem, but I can't just cut him off from his money, especially when he asks for the card to run to the store to pick a few things up.

My kids aren't babies and they will ask me, what does daddy do with all this money? I don't like to lie, but I can't come out and say he's a crackhead either! I don't know what to do!

I am also worried about him cheating, I don't want to catch any diseases. I don't know if he's cheating or not. I have threatened to leave him, but I don't know how or where to start!

I know he won't leave, this house is in my name, we are close to foreclosure, so I may have to leave this house, but then I could ultimately lose my house. We argue all the time about everything , and I find myself saying very low things to him! I have no support from anybody.

I do love this man with all my heart and I don't want to lose him, but I can't handle anymore! I am having these excessive anxiety and panic attacks all the time and I am turning into a miserable person.

I used to be such a happy and wonderful person1 What do I do? Any insight is very much appreciated!

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Feb 10, 2013
Stop Enabling
by: C-P

Right now all you're doing is enabling him ... supporting him financially and letting him use your cards, letting him decide how he gets clean instead of putting boundaries and consequences in place. You have to decide enough is enough and give your husband a clear ultimatum, with consequences for not meeting those. It's the only chance he's got. It doesn't guarantee anything, but its his only shot. Rehab needs to be a non-negotiable, working a program non-negotiable ... total honesty and commitment to changing non-negotiable. This will have a severe impact on your kids if you continue to do nothing and just hope for the best. If you need more help on how to handle this, get yourself Help! I'm in Love With An Addict. You can't stand by and watch anymore because this isn't just about you, your kids will carry these scars into adult-hood once they fully realise what is happening to their Dad.

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