Trouble With Tramadol
For over the past year I've been experimenting with Opiate painkillers. I'm not sure why, but whenever I take them I feel like I have to take more and more.
I'm not really getting much higher, I just take a bunch of them at once for days, and sometimes weeks at a time. Last time, I took 120 50mg Trams in less than two weeks. I stole them from my father, who needs them for arthritis.
I've tried Oxycontin, I've tried Vicodin, Morphine, and a few other pills like muscle relaxers and benzos. I smoke marijuana and drink every now and again, but they don't do to me what the pills do. The pills draw me in, and never let me out.
Sometimes I take as much as I can and hope I don't wake up, my friends all tell me to stop and how bad it is, I'm in High School, but I don't care. They are too good to stop now. Life wouldn't be the same for me, this reality is dark and grim without the Opiates. I've thought about Heroin, and have almost done it a few times. I can't quite stop ... Help!
Matt, you need to talk to someone, anyone. It's a massive burden you're carrying and you don't need to carry it alone. There are people out there who can help you, but you need to take those first steps and open up about what's going on for you.
Any addiction is a
dark and lonely place ... and the only way out is to seek out the help and support of others. If there is no one close to you like a family member you feel you can talk to, what about a counselor at school?
As daunting as sharing our secrets and the turmoil we're going through can seem - you'll usually be amazed at the response you'll get and how supportive people are once you come clean about what's going on.
I'm sure your parents, family and friends will be there for you in ways you can't even begin to imagine if you tell them what's going on and what you're going through. But sometimes it is easier talking to a 'stranger' or 'outsider' first ... that's why a counselor is often a good first step.
As hard as facing up to an addiction and ultimately overcoming it can seem ... there are people out there like you doing it as we speak, so know that it's something you can also do.
You've got your whole life ahead of you to look forward to ... you don't need pain pills, you don't need heroin, you don't drugs full stop to feel better about yourself.
Also look into what drug treatment programs
are available in your area and find out what it will take to get yourself admitted into one. You can beat this. But don't try do it alone. It's just so much harder. Take care and never give up, whatever you do.