Tom (My Husband's) Alcoholism and How It's Ruining Our Marriage
(New Jersey, United States)
I am currently attending college with a goal of obtaining a job that pays enough to help support my family. My husband is currently the primary breadwinner. I substitute for our school district and do freelance design work. Both are fine when work is available, but it’s not steady.
I am frustrated because my husband has a serious drinking problem and spends anywhere from $200.00 to $230.00 a week just on beer and cigarettes for himself. He drinks from the moment he gets done work, he doesn’t even come in the house after work, choosing to sit in his garage with the windows covered and the doors locked until he is drunk enough to come in.
On the weekends he starts drinking first thing in the morning and continues until he is so drunk he is stumbling all over, filthy, and stinking of beer and urine. He usually won’t shower after work even though he gets filthy dirty; he just changes into sweats or pajama pants and falls asleep on the couch. My furniture is filthy from him. It’s disgusting!
He belittles me and my children. He constantly complains about me not making enough money. He told me, college or no college, I will never have or be anything because I am a lazy bitch. I can't get a job that I work evenings because I would have to leave my 11 year old home with him and I am very concerned for the safety of my child.
He has taken my son in a car with him while drunk while I was working, passed out on the couch and had no idea where he was another time, and was allowing him to play on our frozen swimming pool another time. These are just to name a few.
Both of my boys have Asperger's, an Autism Disorder, and although high functioning, they are still not your typical children. I say children although my oldest is now twenty. He often takes on the father role with my youngest, which concerns me.
I am trying to hold on until I finish school, but his constant verbal abuse is making me and my two children miserable. I have tried to get him to get help, but he says he isn’t ready. We have been married for almost twenty-two years. I have been dealing with his drinking and mood swings for far too long, but I can’t afford to support myself and my children.
His drinking has simply increased over the years to point that we are on the brink of losing our home and I can't even muster up the energy to care anymore. I almost want them to take it so I can be free. I have tried to get him into recovery, but he insists he knows he has a problem, but he is not ready to stop. He went to an AA meeting once years ago, but insisted he wasn't like them and never went back.
I would appreciate any help or suggestions that would help and are feasible in my current situation.
If you can relate to Kelly's story ... you're looking for answers but nothing you do seems to help ... then Help Me! I'm Love With An Addict: How To Survive A Relationship With An Alcoholic or Drug Addict
can show you exactly what you need to do to turn things around. It's about knowing what to do, so that things start changing and you aren't left feeling helpless and frustrated like Kelly is.