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The Other Woman: How Alcoholism Has Ruined My Marriage

by Holly
(Colorado, USA)

I met my husband 30 years ago. I was 17. He was 19. He was in the US Navy and he drank beer. I didn't care at 17. In fact, it was what he could do for me that I loved. I was from an abusive home. He was my escape. I just wanted out.

When he asked me to marry him, I selfishly said yes. I thought I loved him, but looking back, I loved what he represented more than who he was. I did grow to love him over the years, but there was always the alcohol that stood between us.

I had our first child at 20. He began to drink a little more. Our second came when I was 24. During that pregnancy, he developed a cocaine habit and I told him it was me or the drug. He quit the cocaine, but began drinking even more. Our third child came when I was 29, just months after the death of my mother. That seemed to push him completely over the edge ...

Then a year later we moved from the west coast to the east coast to be near his family. I was hopeful. I thought being near his family would heal his wounds. It did not. I found out I was pregnant with our 4th child just a week after we arrived in his hometown. That was game over. He sank so far into his addiction that I have not seen him since.

His mistress, alcohol, has taken over our marital bed. We have not had a husband/wife relationship in ANY way for so many years. I feel more like his mother/keeper than his mate. His alcoholism has completely crushed his relationship with his children, as well. The boys resent him and fear him.

Over the years, I have sought counsel. I have been advised to talk to him when he is sober. That's nearly impossible as he starts drinking very early in the day and remains drunk. I've written him letters. I did actually get him to admit to his addiction once. He even went to a doctor appointment with me (psychiatrist). She was very straightforward with him about his "disease", but he has no desire to quit.

I recently had the opportunity to tell him that I was wearing thin and could not hang on much longer. I gave him an ultimatum. He simply told me that I was abandoning him when our vows said for better or worse.

I can't fight a mistress that has no face. I can't continue to turn a blind eye, either. I am done, emotionally. Now I just need help removing the cancer.

Don't be the other woman and let your life be ruined by alcoholism. But knowing what to do and where to start is the hard part. So get yourself Help Me! I'm Love With An Addict: How To Survive A Relationship With An Alcoholic or Drug Addict so that you don't waste your life fighting a battle you can't win. Your life is in your hands, don't give your power away fighting the 'mistress that has no face.'

Comments for The Other Woman: How Alcoholism Has Ruined My Marriage

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Not in denial NEW
by: Anonymous

What about someone who knows they have an addiction, knows the harm it does to them, admits it, but does nothing to help themselves? Is there any hope at all?

Just Another Story
by: Anonymous

So many stories, all pretty much the same. I don't know why I believe my husband anymore. He says he wants to quit but won't go for real help, and always returns to alcohol. He is now facing jail time and another round of hospital bills for me to pay (he can no longer work as his body and mind are gone, I am the sole support). His relationship with our teenage son is destroyed - our son wants nothing to do with him anymore. Divorce is now my only option but I waited too long and am stuck at least half the medical and legal debts (community property state). So sad I waited too long. Don't be like me, save yourself and get out now!!!

I wish I could say something else
by: Anonymous

"His mistress, alcohol, has taken over our marital bed. We have not had a husband/wife relationship in ANY way for so many years. I feel more like his mother/keeper than his mate."

This is exactly what happened to me, only he is my boyfriend. I left him 5 days ago (we were living together), and I feel so lost ... even though we had the mother/keeper relationship going on, I still love him. Thank you for your post.

You're doing the right thing
by: C-P

You're doing the right because your husband's alcoholism is a battle you can't win. It's a battle he alone can fight and unless he wants to, there is nothing you can do. You and your children deserve more. There is no easy way to let go and move on - you just have to do it and trust that everything will work out for the best in the end. Hopefully one day your husband acknowledges his addiction and gets proper help. But you can't put your life on hold in the hope of that happening. Good Luck and God Bless

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