The Man I Love Chose Drugs Over Me. He's Clean Now - But How do I Forgive? Can it work?
My heart is broken. The man I love quit using drugs when we met, but then after a while let it back in. Getting high was more important than me. I put up with it for a long time knowing that a drug was more important to him than I was.
We've been broken up since Nov. We tried to make it work off and on while he was still using, but it never did. Now he's clean and wants me back, but I'm not sure I can forgive him. He is the first person I have trusted completely in my adult life and he lied to me so much and treated me like crap.
Plus I've been seeing someone new that treats me well and things are good ... it's just not the same ... I need to know if it's possible to forgive him and move forward without holding onto the other guy as my safety net.
I'm sorry if this is something that shouldn't be posted this has just been tearing me apart and I don't know where else to turn.
Why would you jeopardize the good thing you have with the man in your life now - for someone who has repeatedly disappointed and let you down in the past?
Sure people can change, but how do you know his current attempts at getting clean will last, only to find that once he's got you back he won't relapse into old addictive ways? He should be clean at least a year before you even consider it - and if he's serious about his recovery and changing - waiting that long shouldn't be a problem for him.
Sometimes it's easy to confuse overwhelming feelings for someone as love - when in fact it's nothing more than codependence
. So sit on your feelings for a while and don't rush into anything you may very well regret.
Addicts talk a good game and have no problems promising the world - so don't let words fool you. Ultimately his actions and behavior are where the true tests lie - so you'll do well to watch and and wait how his recovery progresses.
All the best and take care