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Should I Leave My Alcoholic Husband?

by casondra
(Jay,ok U.S.)

When my husband drinks he cheats on me, calls me bad names, picks fights with me, hits me sometimes. The problem is I love him - not what he does. He is the best person when he is not drinking. He says he will always change but never does - even lied to me about changing. I thought he wasn't drinking in three months but I found out that was another lie. What do I do? Answer

Hi Casondra

Nobody can make that decision for you, but you have to be realistic as to whether anything will ever change. And especially when there is any form of abuse present, by not taking a stand against your husband's alcoholism (i.e. giving him an ultimatum), all you're doing is enabling his addiction further.

It is hard when you love somebody, but your husband's drinking doesn't justify his behavior. Mental and physical abuse are under no circumstances acceptable. They're nothing more than cowardly acts, and being drunk doesn't excuse them.

So you really need to ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want for yourself, and what your life would be like in 5/10 years time if nothing changes? The foundations of a successful marriage are love, trust and mutual-respect. And from what you say, none of those qualities are really present - because people don't cheat, lie and abuse their wives if they are.

Try get yourself Help Me! I'm In Love With An Addict: How to Survive a Relationship With an Alcoholic or Drug Addict because there is a lot of information in there that can really help you. You should also consider going for counseling/therapy to start your own healing process and possibly examine why you continue with a relationship that is largely toxic.

What you're going through is one of the hardest things imaginable. Things don't have to be this way. There is lots of help available because you do deserve real love and happiness. No one can tell you what to do, but be honest with yourself, and whether this is really a life you want for yourself.

God Bless and Good Luck

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Leave Him or you will end up miserable.
by: Anonymous

Hi there, If he refuses to get treatment and stay "clean for at least 6 months", please pack your bags. If you have kids, he will ruin them and you, trust me, I am there. I have been with husband for 18 years and have 4 kids. I did not realize that my husband was drinking seriously until about years ago because he closet drinks. He is verbally abusive and completely inappropriate at times. The older kids know when he is drinking and they are severely affected by him. I am trying to get myself together to get a divorce and it is very hard. I do not love him anymore and if you stay with him long enough and take enough abuse, you will feel the same. My advice is to leave because he will have these addictions issues forever, and you will not be happy in the end. Trust me, there are better people out there who will give you the love and respect you deserve.

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