My Wife Will Not Admit She Has a Drink Problem

by malcolm
(denbigh)

For several months now I have watched my wife's dependency on alcohol get worse. It came to a head 4 months ago when she started to leave the house saying she has forgotten something at the super market - and she would come back with washing powder or something that could have waited until the next day.

I know she was drinking a bottle of wine a day and thought no more until I noticed the amount of food she was buying was getting lesser by the day and she was appearing drunk in the afternoon. I was making the bed and heard some bottles rattle in the drawer and found some empties.

I looked around the bedroom in wardrobes, drawers,
behind the headboard and found in total 30 empty wine bottles. We had a row - she called me controlling and she walked out leaving me with my son, 8 year old boy, and daughter a 12 year-old girl.

She came back 3 days later promising to curb her drinking - the whole drinking came back and 3 months down the line she was drinking 4 bottles of wine a day, starting from the afternoon and into the evening. The drink was affecting her as when I mentioned I could not afford to buy that much drink daily - she would scream and shout at me in front of the children.

The last month has been awful - no food for the kids, no gas, no electric, and no treats ... and yet she came back with bottles on Tuesday of last week she was telling me that she loved me so much and that I did not know how much she loved me.

I love my wife with all my heart and it was nice to hear what she was saying until the last drop of wine had left her glass - then she became a monster and as usual she said she was going out, I suspect to get more drink.

This has been going on for a while. Since last Friday to the Tuesday, she drank 21 bottles of wine and ten of them were 1.5 litre bottles and she says she does not have a problem. I am now here with my children who mean everything to me. My wife is in denial and as said she will fight for custody of the children - the children are aware of her drink problem and have said that the drink is the only thing we argue about, which is true.

My youngest son as asked as to why mummy gets nasty after drink - I tell him it is an illness and that mummy is ill. I am devastated as I love her so much and I know she loves me. It is the drinker that I despise and the aggression that comes with it. I want my wife back but she must admit she has a problem so we can get help.

My wife has been putting drink before gas, electricity, household bills, food for the children and general everyday expenses. I need help as much as she does as I do not know where to go from here. I don't want my children to live with someone who is an alcoholic but feel helpless at the moment as to what I can do. I love my wife with all my heart and want her back please help and advise as to what I can do.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Your wife needs professional help for her alcoholism - and urgently. Because if she doesn't get it, at the levels she's drinking, she is in danger of developing serious health problems as well, like liver disease and other dangerous conditions.

So you need to do some homework and investigate what alcoholism addiction treatment options are available in your area. She really needs to get into an inpatient rehab facility, so you need to find out everything you can about the programs available where you live.

The difficulty you face in getting her into treatment is the fact that she's in denial about her problem and so probably won't agree to getting the help she needs. In which case you may need to perform an organised alcoholism intervention to try and break through her denial, so that she agrees to going for treatment.

If she realises how her drinking is affecting the kids and that she could potentially lose them if she doesn't change (if the courts realise the extent of her problem she's unlikely to get custody) - she might be more receptive to taking her drinking problem seriously.

But that means you also have to start putting some serious boundaries in place and drawing a line in the sand, saying 'enough is enough.' Because until you do, there is no chance anything will ever change, and the kids are the ones that suffer the most because of what's happening.

But there are no guarantees unfortunately. Ultimately your wife has to want to do something about her alcoholism if things are ever going to change. By you taking a stand however and making it clear what she stands to lose if she doesn't, you can at least provide the motivation for her to do so.

You should also take a look at Help Me! I'm In Love With An Alcoholic where we go into a lot more detail on how best to not only help the alcoholic in your life, but also how to help yourself and get your life back on track. There are no quick-fixes though. The only person you have any control over is you, and if your wife decides she actually doesn't want to change, you have to decide to do what is best for you and your children in the long-run.

Take Care and Good Luck

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