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My Wife Is an Alcoholic, I Really Do Not Know What To Do?

by Gary
(England, UK)

Me and my wife have been together about 3 and a half years. When we first got together I was unaware of the extent of her drinking problem. About 4 or so months into the relationship after some close monitoring I realized that she had been hiding wine boxes all over the house.

I confronted her about this and she denied there was a problem which I suppose is common. I really do love her and have told her this but am really not sure what to do anymore? I have now confronted her many times on this heartbreaking situation but things always get brushed aside, she has admitted she has a problem and has promised to go and see the Doctor but does not go.

I have had a conversation with her as to why she will not go and she says she is scared. I know she has also suffered from depression and most certainly is now, and have tried to explain to her that by drinking it makes things worse but she inisists that its makes things better, even for the time being.

I really do not know what to do, how to approach her and who to contact regarding this. I really do love her dearly, we have 3 kids(1 girl mine) the other 2 boys being step and it really is heartbreaking. I think if this carry's on I will loose her. She drinks from what I can monitor I believe between 1 and 2 litres of dry white wine a day and she has told me before that she has been drinking heavily for about 6 years. Gary Answer

Hi Gary

You need to get yourself Help Me! I'm In Love With An Addict: How To Survive A Relationship With An Alcoholic or Drug Addict to really discover what it is you HAVE to do, that we can't unfortunately go into detail in here.

What it boils down to is that your wife needs professional help, but more than just a doctor. She needs to be treated by Specialists that understand and work with alcoholism on a daily basis. These you would typically find at proper addiction treatment centers.

Your wife is hesitant because she's scared, and that's normal. At least you've got her to admit to her problem, because that's usually the hardest part. Now it's taking it that step further to get her to agree to the right kind of professional help.

Most treatment programs deal with dual-disorders like alcoholism and depression because they tend to go hand in hand. So that's especially why going through a proper treatment program can really help your wife. The hard part for you though is convincing her that's the way to go, and hopefully that's where the above-mentioned resource can help.

But it boils down to striking a balance between making it clear you're supportive, but at the same time being firm, because if you continue to let your wife make excuses about why she isn't prepared to accept help, she'll simply continue doing so. So you're going to have to find the strength to take 'no' out of the equation.

It's not easy, but it can be done. The best way to help your wife is to do everything possible to get her into treatment, even if it means saying/doing things she doesn't particularly like. Remember really loving someone sometimes means doing what you know is best for them, even if they don't particularly like it.

Best of Luck

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