My Husband's Alcoholism: He Has Promised to Change for 30 Years Making My Life a Misery
My husband has made my life a misery for 30 years. He has promised me over and over again, literally thousands of times that he will stop drinking because he says he loves me more than alcohol but never stops for more than a few months.
For the first four years he was physically and mentally abusive but stopped hitting me when we got married. I thought this meant he was a better person but he has stressed me out with his behaviour, he can be so nasty and he says awful things and looks like a stranger when he has been drinking. Although we have 3 children he has never been interested in the physical side of our marriage preferring to sit on his own drinking till very late.
I recognise all the signs even though he swears he hasn't been drinking. His eyes go weird and he's twitchy and loud, he keeps rubbing his face, my children and I know all the signs. He would swear on my childrens lives that he hasn't been drinking, he is a selfish lying moron and I hate him.
We are in debt up to our eyes, I have only ever had part time jobs since we have had the children because he would only have more money to drink if I worked full time. I have never had my child benefit as he 'needed' it to pay the bills. He has a good job and we need his money to pay the mortgage and bills and he holds this over me saying he pays all the bills but its my little part time job that pays for extras.
This man has ruined my life and my love for him by being so selfish, we have had separate rooms for years and I have to pretend to other people that everything is fine. He refuses to go to the doctor or AA and says he can stop drinking on his own but if he really meant to stop he would need their help so he can't really want to stop can he?
Why don't I leave him? Because I have worked hard on our home and have no intention of losing it. I'm too old now to start again and would lose everything if I left him so I will just have to hope that maybe his body will let him down and make him stop drinking - or it will kill him, either one is fine by me.
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