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My Husband Is a Drug Addict and Has Been Since He Was 17

AT 17 he was rehabilitated and came off clean but he became an alcoholic. He relapsed several times until he married me. He was only clean on the first year until he relapsed several times during the past 14 years.

Over the last 6 years he has come off clean from heroin, shabu & grass but resorted to pain killers. He is now dependent on Tramadol. It's a strain even though he has a full time job as a professional musician. I am still the sole bread winner and we have three school going children.

He is a compulsive liar and his other habit is borrowing from others. He has exhausted most of his credit limits and still topping up credit from his over exceeded loans. He borrows from others and neighbors and whenever he gets extra gigs, all his earning's spent on obtaining his supply of pain killers.

His promises remain to be fulfilled and his responsibilities to the family has become unheeded. It is affecting the children and they are absolutely ashamed of his behavior. If he is not working to get his earnings for his supply, he is always sleeping and this he can do for a straight 2 days without waking up. I have come to the end of my wits ! I need to regain my sanity. Answer

The question you need to ask, is despite everything, you're still with him. Why? It sounds like for most of your marriage addiction in one form or another has plagued your relationship, you're unhappy and unfulfilled, your needs are not being met, and probably most critically your children have been terribly affected by all this and they'll likely carry the scars for the rest of their life.

So this actually isn't about your husband, it's about you. What has kept you in your marriage for so long despite all the evidence clearly showing it's toxic not only for you, but your children? You've admitted your husband is a compulsive liar (like most drug addicts are) - so it can't be a case of believing his promises to change and turn his life around.

No one can help your husband until he is ready to help himself. If he's ever going to overcome his drug addiction it's because he wants to, and is prepared to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

That's why this isn't about your husband - it's about you and the choices you make for yourself and your children. You may not be able to control your husband's choices, but you definitely have control over the choices you make with your own life and doing what is best for you and your children.

There are so many people out there like you - married to drug addicts and alcoholics - feeling absolutely helpless and powerless over their lives. It doesn't have to be that way. But it's probably largely because, having been married to a drug addict for so long, you're no doubt inclined towards codependency, and so what constitutes a happy, healthy relationship is something you've lost track of.

That's why this is about you and reclaiming your life, your happiness, your vision for a better life. Will it be easy? No. You'll need courage. Lots of it. It's going to take work to heal the wounds that have been inflicted. But this is your life. You only get one shot at it. And this is about your children and giving them every opportunity to be all they can be.

So think long and hard what it is you really want. Because this isn't about your husband, it's about you. And if you feel you need some additional guidance, get yourself Help Me! I'm In Love With An Addict. It's time to take charge of your life again and not feel you're a victim to circumstance beyond your control. The healing can only truly begin once you take total responsibility for your life. If you're unhappy, only you can change that.

Best of Luck

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