Is My Fiancé Taking Drugs?
(Palo Alto, CA)
Hi there, I am recently engaged and my fiance and I just moved in together. I have been noticing things and I could really use some help figuring out what is going on.
I first noticed that my fiance zones out and literally falls asleep standing up, after spending 30 minutes in the bathroom. I found an orange syringe cap in the bathroom with a brown liquid in it, when I asked him about it he said it was his ex-friends ( who is a user).
I know he takes methadone supposedly for pain from old football injuries. He told me he has injected things in the past but not for years. The other day I saw a syringe sticking out of his pocket and when I asked him about it he said he found it from his "old days" and was just getting rid of it.
I have also noticed brown spatter marks on the bathroom walls. There is a spoon in his car, but it is NOT burnt or dirty in any way. Today, I noticed blood marks on his shirt where his elbows are as well as a bulge below the elbow of that same forearm, his eyes also seem distant.
He does have bruises on the inner part of where his elbow is, but always has some excuse. Whenever I ask him about these things, I do it in a completely non-confrontational way, it hurts me most that he is lying ... if he is lying.
Maybe it is just intuition, but something
does not feel right and it is eating me up inside, I have NO clue what to do or how handle this situation. I feel horrible even asking him, especially is it is not true. Can you please help me.
Hi Kimberly, intuition is a powerful thing and if your intuition is telling you something isn't right, you can be pretty sure that's the case. Your fiance is behaving eratically for a reason, and you are right to want to question that. Why shouldn't you? And you definitely shouldn't feel bad about it.
A relationship can only survive on trust and honesty, which is clearly lacking at the moment. People cover up and make excuses for a reason, because they're trying to hide something, so you need to keep pushing until your boyfriend is straight with you.
Have a look at these signs of addiction
and you'll probably find that your boyfriend displays quite a few of them. People don't just have syringes sticking out of their back pocket for no reason, and they don't just zone out unless they're on something.
You obviously want to believe your boyfriend that nothing is going on, but the signs clearly indicate otherwise, so be careful not to stick your head in the sand and naively believe what he's telling you.
The only way to handle this is to be firm and strong. He comes clean, tells you the truth, and gets help. Non-negotiable. Because if you don't do that, this is all going to get progressively worse. Good Luck