Help Me Please, My Soulmate is an Alcoholic
Robert and I (Ellen) met at work over 5 years ago. We were just aquaintences at first. He says he was attracted to me instantly. I grew to admire him, his unending smile, and positive outlook on life.
At first I told him I was not ready for a relationship as I had just divorced 3 years earlier and still felt shattered from the verbal abuse I had suffered during the last few years of my marriage. However, after 2 years I invited Robert to a simple pizza dinner.
We had a wonderful evening listening to music, singing and joking around. I felt so happy and as we dated I felt I had met my Soulmate. What I didn't realize until after he moved in with me (about a month after we started dating) was that he was an alcoholic.
I remember he came over once before he moved in already having had several beers at his residence (lived with family since his divorce). I stayed focused on our relationship and how good I felt having found someone really special. It wasn't until after being together over 2 years that things began to unwind for us.
Robert's drinking became more and more evident to me. He would drink up to a dozen beers a night. He called in sick to work here and there. He's still pretty functional, but it wasn't/isn't good for him. I tried to get him to go to AA, but he said he had to go back in the 90's for a DUI and it didn't help him. I think he only went to a few meetings.
I went to one Al-anon meeting that left me wanting for help. They listened to my story, but offered no help. They literally said, "Thanks for sharing" and nothing else. Robert started to get verbally abusive to me and yelled a lot. I admit I also became somewhat verbally abusive to him which I realize didn't help us.
We broke up a week or so ago when I told him to "get out". I have told him this several times before only to take him back because I missed his sober self. He is
wonderful when he's sober. We had so much fun! When he came back to get his things we both apologized for our behavior and talked a little.
I told him I can't live with the drinking. He said that's just a part of him, who he is. He had a tough childhood and started his adult life early...getting married at 16 with a baby on the way. He didn't get the love and nurturing he needed growing up I don't think except by his grandparents.
However, I know that doesn't mean he should drink to cope. I was fortunate to have two loving parents who were married for nearly 26 years before my Dad passed away. I tried to give Robert the love and nurturing he missed. Since he has moved out we have kept in touch through texting, as we used to during lunch breaks, etc.
We wish we could start over, but there is no way I can or want to live with the alcohol ever again. I'm heart-broken as many others on here are over being hopelessly in love with an alcoholic. I pray for him and hope he finds the want and strength to give up the drinking some day. If not for me, for himself and his life.
I told him I need to make God the central focus of my life. He texted me "Baby you took me to a wonderful woril. You are so much about God and I love that because I need that." He is Christian and I asked him if he wanted to go to church with me, but he didn't answer me. I wish so much that he would be able to rely on God and Jesus for his strength since he is Christian.
His grandfather got sober after years of drinking. He said he did it after finding God. I pray for this for Robert. For now I am Robert's friend, but I won't take him back since he is still drinking. Please, I welcome any help or feedback about our relationship. We talk about starting over, but I'm skeptical it will work any more. He is back living with his family for now.