Will My Alcoholic Boyfriend Ever Hit Rock Bottom?
I am in a relationship with a man that I have known for about 10 yrs. I lost contact with him about 5 yrs ago and we recently started talking and dating again. We have been together for 6 months now and after about a month of dating I realized he was an alcoholic.
For the past 5 months I have spent all my energy and effort trying to get him to stop. He's a wonderful person when he's sober, but when he's drinking he's a completely different person.
For the first 3 months of our relationship he was drunk everyday. He spent every last dollar he had on alcohol. I finally got tired of it (I don't drink at all) and left and told him I couldn't take it anymore.
He begged me to take him back with the promise he would never drink again. He didn't for about 3 weeks, then the desire to drink took over and he asked me if he could drink just once a week. Well, foolishly I agreed to it.
It lasted about a month and then he started to drink a couple times a week. Well, over the past 2 months it has gotten progressively worse again and he's now drinking about 5 days of the week. I have tried everything I know with him to get him to stop.
He's in complete denial of how he acts when he drinks. He has mentally, emotionally, and physically abused me while he was drunk and when I confront him about these things when he's sober, he completely denies they even happen. He has been fired from numerous jobs for drinking at work, been arrested about 10times (all alcohol related), and even lost his child and place to live.
He has been hospitalized due to excessive drinking and not eating, went completely broke, and almost ruined every relationship with anyone he's ever met. He is also behind in his child support which he is going to have to do jail time for soon, because he spends every dime of his money on alcohol and its all that consumes his mind.
I am lost as to what to do now. He tells me if I leave him again he will kill himself or go back to drinking everyday. He makes me feel like I'm giving up on him. I love him with all my heart, but how much am I supposed to deal with? Is he ever gonna hit a rock bottom?
The reality is Jessica ... it's impossible to say when anyone will hit rock bottom. Some never reach their bottom and their alcoholism kills them - and others reach it at different points when something in their minds finally says, 'I can't do this anymore.'
All you can do is give your boyfriend the choice: That he needs to get professional help and embrace a life of sobriety by living a life of recovery - or there is no future for your relationship, because you can't put your life on hold while he goes about killing himself.
That might involve performing a professional, organized alcoholism intervention
as a last resort, but apart from that there is nothing you can do. It may work, it may not, there are no guarantees. And don't fall for your boyfriend's emotional blackmail - remember he chooses to continue drinking, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.
A lot of this is initially hard to accept and take in, but you need to understand that the only thing you have any control over, is you and the choices you make. Your boyfriend is going to do what he wants to do, and until he is really ready and WANTS to do something about his alcoholism - there is nothing anyone can say/do that will help him.
If you're looking for additional guidance and advice, take a look at Help Me! I'm In Love With An Alcoholic
. It will help you get your mind around what you're faced with actually entails, and the things you need to do to make changes. Groups like Al-Anon are also fantastic, because there you learn first hand what others in your position are doing, and the support you receive is excellent.