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Is My Fiancé Taking Drugs?

by Kimberly
(Palo Alto, CA)

Hi there, I am recently engaged and my fiance and I just moved in together. I have been noticing things and I could really use some help figuring out what is going on.


I first noticed that my fiance zones out and literally falls asleep standing up, after spending 30 minutes in the bathroom. I found an orange syringe cap in the bathroom with a brown liquid in it, when I asked him about it he said it was his ex-friends ( who is a user).

I know he takes methadone supposedly for pain from old football injuries. He told me he has injected things in the past but not for years. The other day I saw a syringe sticking out of his pocket and when I asked him about it he said he found it from his "old days" and was just getting rid of it.

I have also noticed brown spatter marks on the bathroom walls. There is a spoon in his car, but it is NOT burnt or dirty in any way. Today, I noticed blood marks on his shirt where his elbows are as well as a bulge below the elbow of that same forearm, his eyes also seem distant.

He does have bruises on the inner part of where his elbow is, but always has some excuse. Whenever I ask him about these things, I do it in a completely non-confrontational way, it hurts me most that he is lying ... if he is lying.

Maybe it is just intuition, but something does not feel right and it is eating me up inside, I have NO clue what to do or how handle this situation. I feel horrible even asking him, especially is it is not true. Can you please help me.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer



Hi Kimberly, intuition is a powerful thing and if your intuition is telling you something isn't right, you can be pretty sure that's the case. Your fiance is behaving eratically for a reason, and you are right to want to question that. Why shouldn't you? And you definitely shouldn't feel bad about it.

A relationship can only survive on trust and honesty, which is clearly lacking at the moment. People cover up and make excuses for a reason, because they're trying to hide something, so you need to keep pushing until your boyfriend is straight with you.

Have a look at these signs of addiction and you'll probably find that your boyfriend displays quite a few of them. People don't just have syringes sticking out of their back pocket for no reason, and they don't just zone out unless they're on something.

You obviously want to believe your boyfriend that nothing is going on, but the signs clearly indicate otherwise, so be careful not to stick your head in the sand and naively believe what he's telling you.

The only way to handle this is to be firm and strong. He comes clean, tells you the truth, and gets help. Non-negotiable. Because if you don't do that, this is all going to get progressively worse. Good Luck

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He is using!
by: kat

I am overwhelmed by how similar your situation is to mine. I lived through the scenarios you mentioned over and over again with my ex.

I believe he was using for over a year before the truth came out accidently. He lost his job because a member of the public saw him shooting up in his work car (company logo all over it) & reported it to the police, who then reported it to his boss.

They become so good at pulling the wool over our eyes that you no longer believe yourself. This went on with me for a long time & drove me insane.

I eventually left but it took me a long time to work up the courage. I was heartbroken & depleted & still am.

Trust your intuition, i believe it's right.

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get out while u can!
by: Anonymous

He is absolutely using! I have dealt with this with my ex n everything u mentioned is spot on! Drug test him if u don't believe me. They sell them at all drug store/pharmacey's like cvs or walgreens. Make sure u get one that includes heroin testing. He'll take it n laugh if he has nothing to hide. Jus make sure he does it when u ask n has no time to get someones "clean" urine.otherwise be right there when he does it. If he has used in the past it is more likely than not that he has picked it up again. Nobody hangs out with junkies if they're not using. Don't believe him until u have a test to prove it! Goodluck to u!

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