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Husband Addicted to Crack Cocaine: My Success His Failure ...Tearing Us Apart

by Tricia
(Illinois)

First I want to say I have personally been addicted to crack cocaine and I beat the addiction on my own ... I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I have not touched the drug in 9 years. I try to use memories of my past addiction to deal with my husbands addiction but I am not having any luck.

We have been together for almost 10 years ... married 7 years. I have been through hell and back with this man and I just do not understand for the life of me why he won't quit. We have a 9 year old son together and I have 3 younger children who are not biologically his but they think they are.

We were married in 2003, 3 short months later he took off with my brand new van ... he sold it to the drug dealer for $500 worth of crack. The day he took off I began a new very high paying job 40 miles from home ... he left me stranded at work and our son stranded at daycare.

I reported him as a missing person by week 2. I received a phone call that a friend found my van with 3 young men in it ... long story short they told the police what occurred and produced the title with my name forged on it. Approx an hour later the police call me to inform me that my husband was at the station ... I rush up there to find him gone, I drove down the main street and found him walking.

I took him home, bitched him out and cleaned him up ... he promises he will never betray me again. I start hiding the keys and 1 month later he finds them and takes off again but this time for 6 years!!!!!! I saw him maybe 3 times in those 6 years but he would always run from me ... He looked like death!!

I just cannot seem to shake the feelings for him although I had by that time had 3 more children and been in the same relationship for 5 years. I decided to leave it up to God ... I was driving home from work and I had an irresistible urge to go the other way ... I said a prayer, I asked God to allow me to find him if it was truly meant for us to be ... what do you know I turned 2 corners and there he was still looking and smelling like death.

He had lost sooooooo much weight ... Now only weighing 106 pounds at 5 ft 9 in. I tell him I still after all these years love him dearly and I decide to end my current relationship and take him back. Since then it has been pure hell!!!! It seems like every time I turn around he disappears for days or weeks at a time ...

I changed the locks, typed up divorce papers, packed his clothes etc ... he comes back and falls to his knees in the middle of the street at 2 o'clock in the morning begging me not to leave him (gone 1 week this time no phone call, nothing).

I explain to him how much this hurts me and the kids and that we cannot take this any longer ...I can't take thinking of all the bad things that might have happened to him or wondering "is he coming home this time?"

I am busting my ass working full time and going to school to take care of a family of 6 by myself, I do not need the added stress. He makes promises to the kids to go fishing or attend the school field trip but he never pulls through. Just recently I found out he took his Christmas present and sold it!!

He stays in the streets getting high more than he does at home and I don't know if he does not understand or if he just does not care that he is losing his family. I am trying my hardest to hold on but I don't know how much strength I have left in me!!!

FYI he has been an addict for 20+ years and lost his first wife because of his addiction. Thank You for listening. HE IS an excellent father and husband when he is not high and that's what makes it so damn hard.

If like Tricia you're also addicted to a drug or crack addict and are feeling lost and helpless as to what you can do - Help Me! I'm Love With An Addict can give you the answers you've been searching for. It isn't always obvious as to how best you can help not only the person you love ... but also how you need to help yourself in the insanity that accompanies being involved with a drug addict. So if you want the truth as to what you can do to change things, do everything you can to get the book.

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Husband Addicted to Crack Cocaine: My Success His Failure ...Tearing Us Apart

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Apr 12, 2012
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I AM THAT I AM
by: Anonymous

JESUS DIED JUST FOR U AND HIM,UR FAMILY!GOD CAN GOD WILL JUST ASK IN JESUS NAME.

Feb 08, 2012
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I feel so rejected, unloved, anxious & depressed
by: Holly

My husband has been addicted to crack for 5 years, I have hung in there & tried to help him but he chooses to stay addicted. He & his 3 children moved into my home when we got married & he has made my life a living hell. He has deserted me & left me with his kids over 30 times in the past 2 years. He manages to work & keep his job somehow, but every time he gets his paycheck he leaves for days & only comes home when he runs out of money, crying on his knees, begging me to not kick him out & promises to quit smoking crack & that he loves me so much. Every time me or one of his children has a special day, such as a birthday or special school event & especially Christmas he leaves & spends all his money. We never get any birthday or Christmas presents & if we do, he calls it a family gift & buys something that he wants, such as a flat screen tv, of course he pawns or sells it soon after.Me & his children have been living below poverty level even though he makes over $1000.00 a week. We eat hotdogs, bologna sandwiches & ramen noodles & he thinks he is doing us a favor. He gets very angry at me if I even ask him for $5.00 for gas money so I can take his children & myself to church & then insults me & tells me I am selfish & that I cost him too much money. I have secretly been hiding money for better food to eat (we eat it when he is not home) & for school supplies. When the kids need money they have learned not to ask him because he gets mad, but come to me secretly. I have tried every way to get help for him, even had an intervention police officer come to my home & talk to him after I filed a missing persons report but he is such a smooth talker & a good liar that even a trained police officer believed him over me. On my 43rd birthday he did not come home for 4 days. I could not take this abuse any longer & made his parents come get his belongings & his 3 children. I love my step-kids so very much but I can't afford to raise 3 kids on my small income. They are now living with their grandparents (they have a nice home, are Christians & can afford to take care of their needs) Since then my husband has moved in with them but stays gone much of the time.He has gotten much worse in his drug addiction & is now cheating on me with his ex-wife who is a crack prostitute, drives her to her "dates" & gets with other crack whores. He claims to be a Christian & a good husband & father. I now have fibromyalgia & a severe anxiety disorder, depression, feeling hopeless & severe insonmia. I wish I could stop loving him. I feel so used, rejected in the worst way, unloved & broken hearted. I have been judged my my friends & neighbors. These people don't have a clue how it is to stay awake every day & night for years & worry, get angry & anxious in fear & hope that their spouse will come home from work every night. I wish I had a friend or family member that would at least try to understand that I could talk to & trust but no one cares or wants to hear about it.

Jan 29, 2012
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how did u quit
by: Anonymous

how did u beat the crack addiction?? what did u do to stop

Jan 04, 2012
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Crack Addicted Husband
by: Anonymous

I sympathize with these women. I have been married to my husband 31 years. I am from Florida but went to college in Chicago. I met him there. He got so bad that the 2nd month of our marriage he was dating a lady that worked in the same building as I. I had to go to Florida because my Mom was really ill. He took a trip with that lady to Wisconsin to her family, and he had her name put on his insurance. I soon learned that he was addicted to crack cocaine. From there it went down hill. All he did was lie. He cheated on me again with a lady on the same block. She had 7 kids, his made 8. I hung in there. I sent him to Florida to keep him from getting killed in Chicago. He came here and my Mom had gotten him a job, and he moved in with another woman. I had to leave my job of 16 years to move here and help with him. He went to prison, I stood by his side, taking my kids out to see him (85 miles). He got out started working got hurt on the job. Went back to prison. After he got out he could hardly get around. I bathed, cleaned, and cooked for him along with taking care of our kids and working long hours. He got his settlement and we bought a home. (He paid on $30,000.00 down)He left 2months later to be with a criminal crack head. I became ill with Kidney, Heart & Liver Disease. He never came to the hospital to visit and never called. She wouldn't allow him to. He left me with all the bills. I was struggling. My daughter had to give up her place & move in to help me keep my home. He works 2 jobs now & never have any money. They both smoke heavily. She is on probation and still smoke up Peru. I finally asked God to take him out of my heart. It is so hard after giving him all of my young life. (51 now) Doing all I could to keep my vows, but it just got to be too much. Please ladies continue to pray, God will remove it. I know. Now if I see him it doesn't bother me. I just hate he made those bad choices. I spent a lot of money on rehab, and everytime he got out he was 10xs worst.

Jan 03, 2012
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Overwhelmed with guilt
by: Anonymous

I'm 33 years old and I used to smoke marijuana and crack mixed together. We called it a chuey. Anyways I smoked that from 19 years old till 2006 Me and my friends did it occasionally and throughout the years I did it I maintained a good paying job and my own place while going to school full time. The reason I stopped is because my boyfriend of 4 years came home one day and caught me and my friends smoking a cigar with weed and crack. He asked to take a puff and it was from that first hit that made him addicted. Befor that day his drug of choice was an occasional line of cocaine but from that first hit it was a wrap. He officially became addicted to crack. We started smoking those cigars with weed and crack together and what made ME want to stop was watching him become more and more addicted to it everyday. When he didn't have weed to mix with the crack he used tobacco from Cigarettes and when he ran put of tabacco he started free basing it. I've been clean and sober now for 6 years but as for my boyfriend.... He's been addicted for 6 years. It's now 10 years that we have been together and I find it hard to leave his side because I blame myself for handing his first hit of crack. He works full time but he goes on crack binges at least once every two or three weeks . It usually only lasts for one night but that one night causes so much pain for me and our family. I just wish he could overcome this addiction because if it weren't for this addiction he would be everything Ive ever prayed for. But now he's my worse nightmare.

Jan 02, 2012
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I know it hurts.....
by: Anonymous

I can remember great memories of my aunt. She was a great mother,who made some very wrong choices. She has been addicted to crack for about 12 years now. Although I am only 26, I played a major role in raising and mentoring her three sons, who were taken into custody by my mother.The scars of her addiction runs deep within them.I see her from time to time. My once colorful memories of her have faded into shades of black and white, as I see she has become quite the manipulator. And even though her children love her, and in the past, were quite protective over her, they seem to have transformed this into lashing out at her. Please, if you have someone who is addicted to this monster,the promises might sound nice, but you have to do what's right for you,and your children.

Dec 15, 2011
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[lease help
by: Anonymous

It's been about three weeks since I left him, He was out using two days after I left. After a week I missed him so much, I started talking to him even though he was high. He would call crying about what he is doing to his ailing 84 year old mother who he has not spoke to since he went out. He has taken my social security check, he said he mailed it but its been a week. For three days There has been no contact. Im afraid he is dead somewhere. How do I get over him and grieve over the incredible man he is when he is around. We have been together for four years. We are in our 50s. I left him because he would call me terrible names and break my heart. He has been clean for three of the four years. I just want to move on but I am legally blind and he was my only friend. We kept to ourselves. How do I even begin to socialize now.

Oct 23, 2011
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My Dad
by: Anonymous

My Dad was a crack addict and he went to rehab but relapsed after a week. A year later, my Mom left him when I was 11 and he moved down to Florida (I live in Illinois). He went down there to supposedly get a fresh start where he wouldn't know any dealers but since he's been down there (10 years now) he has been in prison a few times, once for an entire year. He's been involved with this crazy woman (drugs, prostitution, the works).

I hardly speak to my father (hard to get a hold of) & it can get really difficult in that respect but I am thankful my Mom left him. It's hard to do it on your own, but especially if you have kids you need to think of them. Rely on them and not him; having him around will not help. Be stronger on your own and do not hold yourself back just on the hope that he'll be telling the truth for once when he says he has stopped. I love my Dad, but I know who he is. I know my Mom still loves him but you need to move on to something healthier, which may mean you'll be on your own for awhile.

I am now in college, receiving my bachelor's degree after this year and planning to attend law school. I'm not sure if I would be where I am now had my Mom stayed with my Dad. My two older sisters and I saw a lot while growing up with him. I remember sneaking into the garage to watch him smoking crack. I try to only hold on to the times when he was sober and an amazing Dad. But it helped to be away from him, it helped us to try and be a healthier family without drugs being involved.

Sep 03, 2011
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crack addiction
by: Anonymous

going through the same thing. for the last three years my crack addicted boyfriend has been doing nothing but causing drama to our family. he has been to rehab and that did not help got out and went right back at it the same day he got out after three months of in house treatment.he can be very nean if i dont give him money. he has sold almost everything we own i have replaced some thing for him to sale again. i have three children and they are in the middle of this mess. been very streesed out because there has been no relief from him every night can i get 20 please all night until i am broke. he will not work and he has a warrent for his arrest all i want to do is call the police and turn him in for some peace and quiet. but i feel bad for doing it like that, what should i do?

Jul 21, 2011
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My husband addicted crack cocaine too
by: Jessica

I am very sad because my husband addicted crack Cocaine 5 years ago but I can not advise him stop and he never accept the truth. He cheating on me and my 5 years old son. He told me that not crack and Cocaine. If I tell him addicted crack he will be angry and want hit me.

Jul 09, 2011
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When will the pain stop and Life begin?
by: Anonymous

I too along with all these other women, are in love with a man who is hopelessly addicted!!! We have been together for 24 yrs and married for 13 of those. Just when I think we are over the hurdle (boom) comes another episode from HELL !! I get so tired of fighting and trying to keep us from financial ruin !! What do we do when they dont want to quit?? I want to walk away from this nightmare sooo badly and I cant figure out to save my life why I cant? I have asked GOD to help me so here it is!!! I can not give advice to anyone only share my story!Believe me I feel everybodies pain!!

Jun 29, 2011
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Torn apart,My girl is addicted so bad
by: Anonymous

Very sad story,My fiance is addicted to crack and I truly do love her so much.We been together for almost 5yrs we live together.I am also a recovering alcoholic 4yrs clean.But for the grace of god.I hit a serious bottom results near death in coma,Sustain allot of health problem from it cirrhosis of liver and paralyze leg.She help me through the whole thing stayed by my side.She was clean for a year because of what seen go through.But now she has relapsed in crack,She has financially sunk us and has sold all things in house.Stole from both parents and brother.I finally couldn't take it anymore told her to leave and get some help.I am so heart broken over this i cant even put into words. She says i am cold an with out feeling i tried everything i could she also has cirrhosis of liver and she thinks this wont bother her..I pray for her all the time and keep going to my meetings.I still LOVE HER SO MUCH....And i don't want to relapse

Mar 28, 2011
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Hustand also addict to codeine...when to let go
by: Cathy

I can understand how you must feel. My husband is currently going through treatment for addiction to codeine via prescription pain killers. His addiction has cost our home. If it wasn't for my daughter taking us in we would be homeless. Both our vehicles are broke down and driving another daughter's vehicle. I have two jobs and he has managed to sink us financially. Constantly overdraws the bank account, spends all money on fronts before I even make it. I will end up in bankruptcy before this is all over. I am humiliated and ashamed so much that I haven't told a sole away from my children what he has done. And then he gets angry because I talk about it. Why I don't just kick him out I don't know. I still love him I just don't like him anymore. Would like to see him get his and our life straightened out. One must just keep having faith that you are making the right decision whether it is to stay with him or make him go. Good luck and God Bless.

Feb 16, 2011
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I fill your pain
by: angel 0

Dear wife of a cocaine husband; This is terrible! It sounds too much like what Ive gone through in the 10 years with my husband. I think that at this point in both your and my part that we are not inlove with our husband, but he has possessed our soul! That is not a good, or God thing. My husband is in jail right now for battering my 15 year old daughter with a frozen ham. He will be out of jail next month and I wonder what's next, seeing that It is against my faith to divorce him. We have no children together. When we met, he was homeless, had no auto in over 10 years, and going to consoling. He appeared to be a very clean, God respecting man, but after we bonded over a few days (no sex) he told me his back ground. He was a criminal. He was married for 17 years and only left his wife and 2 children then 2 and 3 years old. Now he has been gone from her for 10 years while living with other women like they were his wife. He had been molested by his male cousin, as well as him having sex with his mother's friends when they were baby siting with him. I was not at my best at the time we met due to the death of my husband, who die in my home from liver failure. I needed a friend, and belive me this man was a true actor and won my heart. It only took a few days for his depression to accure, and then his leaving in the middle of the night, and now, here Iam asking God to help me get my husband out of my heart if he will not be right with God!

Nov 23, 2010
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Something to think about...
by: Christina

If you love your children, love your self, and your husband, you would leave him. From reading this, I can tell you this, you are a good woman. I don't know too many that would take im back after he left kids stranded, and then took off for 6 years. Love does make you do crazy things, but then again, God gives you 5 senses. Please don't be a fool. Leave him, you cannot make anyone change, Its up to them, once he makes the first step, God will carry him a long the way. But he has to first have the courage to change. I believe that every child deserve a promising childhood, and the chance to be happy, and live peacefully, so why would you take them through that? Thats too much to put on 6 children. Once they begin asking questions about whats going on, or why they never see their father on the regular? What will you say? Please don't lie! DOn't hide the truth from them. Instead of drowing them with information, set a new path for them. It seems as though you have your head on straight. Just saying. I still believe that you are a great wife and a terrific mother, don't continue to drag your children a long for the ride. Hopefully this helps out some. May God continue to bless your family, and always pray. Prayer changes things, trust me. Love you. Bye

Oct 26, 2010
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WHAT DO I DO!
by: Denise from Florida

I am going through exactly what you are; reading your story seemed like I was reading my own! My husband too is addicted to crack cocaine he has sold my car, he had sold everything he owns! But when ever he comes home or I find him in a drug hole, I always allow him to come home & clean him up. I feel so stupid because he always tells me "I know how much you love me so I'm not going to hurt you anymore" and I am a dummy to believe him each and every time! I want to walk away but for some crazy unknown reason I can't!

Sep 09, 2010
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ENDURING THE PAIN
by: Anonymous

I'm also in the same relationship. I knew I wasn't the only one going through this crisis,but it hurts like hell when you don't have someone you can talk to and trust. I try talking to family but all they do is judge. I immediately felt your pain. I finally realized that the only way my husband is going to overcome his addiction is by me stop being the enabler. I cover for him instead of making him step up to his responsiblities. He's a great husband and father when he is sober. The reason I fell in love with him so many years ago was because of his loving personality towards others and himself. But he doesn't even love his self anymore. MAY GOD CONTINUE TO HELP US ENDURE.

Aug 28, 2010
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Me too
by: Anonymous

I am in the same relationship. I am so tired of being in love with a man that is so self absorbed and I don't know what to do. But I feel your pain.

Jun 23, 2010
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Acceptance
by: C-P

Thanks for sharing your story. The reality is you can't change your husband and at some point if you ever hope to achieve happiness and proper loving relationship - you're going to have to accept that if/until he decides he wants to turn his life around, there isn't really much you can do.
Once we've done all we can, at some point we have to move on and let go, at least if we want happiness. You deserve that. But of course only you can make that decision. Take Care and Good Luck

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