Husband Addicted to Crack Cocaine: My Success His Failure ...Tearing Us Apart
First I want to say I have personally been addicted to crack cocaine and I beat the addiction on my own ... I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I have not touched the drug in 9 years. I try to use memories of my past addiction to deal with my husbands addiction but I am not having any luck.
We have been together for almost 10 years ... married 7 years. I have been through hell and back with this man and I just do not understand for the life of me why he won't quit. We have a 9 year old son together and I have 3 younger children who are not biologically his but they think they are.
We were married in 2003, 3 short months later he took off with my brand new van ... he sold it to the drug dealer for $500 worth of crack. The day he took off I began a new very high paying job 40 miles from home ... he left me stranded at work and our son stranded at daycare.
I reported him as a missing person by week 2. I received a phone call that a friend found my van with 3 young men in it ... long story short they told the police what occurred and produced the title with my name forged on it. Approx an hour later the police call me to inform me that my husband was at the station ... I rush up there to find him gone, I drove down the main street and found him walking.
I took him home, bitched him out and cleaned him up ... he promises he will never betray me again. I start hiding the keys and 1 month later he finds them and takes off again but this time for 6 years!!!!!! I saw him maybe 3 times in those 6 years but he would always run from me ... He looked like death!!
I just cannot seem to shake the feelings for him although I had by that time had 3 more children and been in the same relationship for 5 years. I decided to leave it up to God ... I was driving home from work and I had an irresistible urge to go the other way ... I said a prayer, I asked God to allow me to find him if it was truly meant for us to be ... what do you know I turned 2 corners and there he was still looking and smelling like death.
He had lost sooooooo much weight ... Now only weighing 106 pounds at 5 ft 9 in. I tell him I still after all these years love him dearly and I decide to end my current relationship and take him back. Since then it has been pure hell!!!! It seems like every time I turn around he disappears for days or weeks at a time ...
I changed the locks, typed up divorce papers, packed his clothes etc ... he comes back and falls to his knees in the middle of the street at 2 o'clock in the morning begging me not to leave him (gone 1 week this time no phone call, nothing).
I explain to him how much this hurts me and the kids and that we cannot take this any longer ...I can't take thinking of all the bad things that might have happened to him or wondering "is he coming home this time?"
I am busting my ass working full time and going to school to take care of a family of 6 by myself, I do not need the added stress. He makes promises to the kids to go fishing or attend the school field trip but he never pulls through. Just recently I found out he took his Christmas present and sold it!!
He stays in the streets getting high more than he does at home and I don't know if he does not understand or if he just does not care that he is losing his family. I am trying my hardest to hold on but I don't know how much strength I have left in me!!!
FYI he has been an addict for 20+ years and lost his first wife because of his addiction. Thank You for listening. HE IS an excellent father and husband when he is not high and that's what makes it so damn hard.
If like Tricia you're also addicted to a drug or crack addict and are feeling lost and helpless as to what you can do - Help Me! I'm Love With An Addict
can give you the answers you've been searching for. It isn't always obvious as to how best you can help not only the person you love ... but also how you need to help yourself in the insanity that accompanies being involved with a drug addict. So if you want the truth as to what you can do to change things, do everything you can to get the book.