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He's Not a Mean Alcoholic, but Won't Stop Drinking.

by Nicki
(MN)

Alcoholism runs in his family, severely. He is dependent on alcohol, but will be using that he just went 1.5 months without drinking for the next decade as "proof" that he can quit.


He's back drinking again, even though I told him that I was done, and would make new choices based on his choices. We have four children together, ages 5-10.

He thinks because he doesn't get mean, that I'm making a big stink about nothing, but this has been going on for 15 years. He says he will control it better. Again. He doesn't see that not being able to have 1 or 2 drinks is a problem, or getting drunk by himself all the time is a problem.

I don't want to have to worry about him driving us, as sometimes I can't even tell if he's drunk, his "tolerance" is so high. I'm tired of waiting for him to be able to control it. I know he can't. He doesn't know it.

His bottle of brandy is mostly empty today, yesterday it was mostly full. The fact that we are about to separate over alcohol blows my mind. To him I am trying to "control" him, to me, I am done living with an alcoholic.

I feel like my only option is to follow through, and find a place for the 4 kids and I. Money, of course, is an issue. I can ask him to leave, but we can't afford to stay here either.

I'm just so tired. I can't make him stop, but I'm really, really done going over this, and over this. 15 years feels like a very long time.
Father's day is coming up, and once we get past that, I need to make a decision and go forward.

I just don't know which decision to make. The world looks scary, and I'm sad for the kids too.
I'm so sad that when it was plainly stated, he still chose alcohol over us. I'm so tired of losing to it.

I wonder which is going to be harder, leaving- or staying? Thanks for listening.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer



I think you know what to do ... it's just a question of finding the courage to do so. It is going to be scary starting over, but you have to believe that in the long-run it will be for the best, not only for you, but the kids as well.

Until he's ready to quit drinking, you're just going to continue fighting a losing battle. And at what expense to you and your kids?

You can't control or cure his alcoholism. It's sad that despite him being on the verge of losing his family, he's still not prepared to acknowledge his drinking problem, but that is unfortunately the reality with most alcoholics.

If you stay, you're only only going to face more unhappiness and frustration ... is that really what you want for yourself? Having a happy, fulfilling relationship with an alcoholic is next to impossible because the alcohol almost inevitably always wins.

Leaving him and starting over isn't an easy thing to do, but you have to have faith that in doing so things will work out somehow. You can only hope that one day he wakes up to the damage his drinking has caused, but you can't put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. You and your kids deserve better. Best of Luck

P.S. If you need a bit more encouragement and want to know more around what your options are, try and get yourself Help Me! I'm In Love With An Alcoholic by clicking here. There is a lot of information in there that will help you get clearer on how best to move forward.

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Having The Courage To Choose The Right Course....
by: Adina K, Israel

Niki, for the sake of your sanity, and for the safety of your children, you really have one choice. Your choice must be to save your sanity, and to save your children from a possible drunk driving accident, and who knows what else.Besides, growing up in a house with an alcoholic parent is much worse than growing up with only one parent, who is at least sober and responsible. Your children need to know that their safety is your number one priority.

The way you describe your husband is in certain respects very much like my brother's alcoholism. In fact, less than two years ago, I stupidly allowed him to drive me home (with his 11 yr old in the car)not even knowing he was drunk,(he was walking and talking fine at that point)because his tolerance had reached the point it was hard to tell if he was drunk.

To make a long story short, about 10 minutes into the drive (on the highway already!) I noticed he was driving wobbly,so I started screaming at him to pull over the car to the side of the road at a nearby rest stop. Had I not done so we would have likely died in a horrific crash. How do I know this? Within a few minutes of getting out of the car he literally stumbled into the rest stop cafe, fell into a chair and passed out!! Had he still been driving he would have killed us all, and who knows how many others.

As hard as it is to break the status quo, not doing so will not end end for you and your kids.I refer you to my original posting here, please read, "My Brother Is A Chronic Alcoholic.His Wife Is His Chief Enabler.What Can Be Done To Save Him? I wish you the strength to do, what you must know in your heart is, the correct path for yourself and your kids.

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