The Alcoholism and Divorce Conundrum: What Do You Do?

There is certainly a common link between alcoholism and divorce. Studies show that divorce rates are four times higher when there is a problem drinker or alcoholic partner. Sustaining a relationship when one partner is an alcoholic is obviously extremely difficult - because your relationship has inevitably taken a back seat to their relationship to alcohol.

The real issue then is – do you want to continue working at the relationship and is it worth it?

There is certainly no right or wrong way of looking at the whole alcoholism and divorce issue. There are so many factors to consider, like: How bad is the alcoholism? Are you being abused? Have you got kids that are being affected? Is your self esteem and sense of self being totally eroded through your partner’s alcoholism?

The fact is – life simply isn’t black and white. There is a lot of grey in between and ultimately it boils down to a judgement call and what you believe is right for YOU in the long-term.

You’ll notice how I wrote YOU in the previous paragraph. Yes – it’s ultimately about YOU and YOUR needs. As a partner or spouse to an alcoholic, you almost inevitably want to rescue your husband/wife/partner. You begin to live your life through their eyes and around always being there for them – hoping that one day things might just change. You’ve in all likelihood become a Codependent without even realising.

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t be there for them – and yes do everything you can. Step number one should be to get to Al-Anon meetings so that you can meet and learn from others in your position and what they have done.

Insisting on treatment should be another important step that you try – and here knowing about and learning about performing an Intervention is crucial.

---

But when looking at the whole alcoholism and divorce conundrum – eventually you have to decide at what cost are you sticking around – even after you have tried everything? What is the long-term impact on your kids? What is the ultimate impact on your spiritual, mental and emotional well-being?

If you husband, wife or partner begins to take responsibility for their drinking and ultimately agrees to receiving help – then absolutely support them all the way.

But if you’ve tried everything I have suggested, feel you have done everything you can – we have to come back and consider what is best for YOU and your kids in the long-run. Your spouse or partner ultimately has to accept responsibility for the consequences of their drinking – and the hardest yet most giving form of love, is sometimes tough love.

So when looking at alcoholism and divorce – be honest with yourself. Contemplate deeply. Only you know, deep down, what is best for YOU (and your kids).

---