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Where To Get Help Divorcing the Alcoholic?

I left my alcoholic husband 10 months ago. When I left the State in which we were living it was because he had threatened to kill our son in an explosive outrage. My first mistake was .... not calling the police. I didn't want to ruin his life ... Shame On Me!!

So to all women out there I urge you call the police immediately should you find yourself in a similar situation. A record of behavior will serve you well. I think back to always trying to hide the fact that I was married to an alcoholic, I was embarrassed to admit it.

I do not have the money to divorce him and he is threatening to try and get full custody of our three children, whom are living with me. Yes the same ones he wanted nothing to do with when I lived with him. Had I called the police I would have had a firmer ground to stand on. He was the bread winner while I took care of everything else, which totally enabled him to drink every night.

At the time I left I had been enrolled in college for 2 1/2 years to become a court reporter. I knew I would eventually leave and wanted a way to support the children because he threatened to take off and not pay support if I ever left.

He verbally agreed to pay support (after all might be a good idea if he wants to try and get custody), forgive the sarcasm. He is three thousand dollars behind on support, and there is no health insurance on myself or the children.

I had to have emergency surgery which amounted to 13,000 in medical bills, and I may be having another one in a few days. The vehicle that I took with me was just repossessed this morning. It was not titled in my name and he refused to make the payments citing "I was not his problem anymore."

I am currently living with someone who is taking care of us ie. our needs are being met. Where and when does the fathers responsibility kick in? I imagine never, as that is a trait of an alcoholic to begin with. I went to Family Services and filed for support. I never heard back from them and that was 7 months ago.

So mistake ... not following up with family services. I didn't want to bother them as I figured they were very busy ... just not with my file. I recommend you stay on top, be the one who calls them on a weekly basis to find out what is being done for you, otherwise your name goes to the bottom.

It's time to stop being nice. I became so complacent to him always controlling me, that my take control instincts hadn't quite kicked in, just be aware that this can happen.

The help I am receiving from the person with whom I am staying poses a problem; I can't get assistance like legal aid to divorce this man, and establish custody and divide the real estate. My second mistake .... moving in with someone.

Consider that it may not be the best idea, and my guess is that if you are still living with the alcoholic you wouldn't get assistance to leave either. Can someone answer that for me? Where is the assistance to get away from these alcoholics who have messed with us and the other family members?

From the ones who bring so much chaos into your life. I guess my own ignorance is the ignorance of the world as I did not completely understand alcoholism and what it does to the ones who live through and with it.

Thank you for this website that I can express my concerns of alcoholism and hear the concerns of others. Any thoughts or ideas are warmly welcomed.

Comments for Where To Get Help Divorcing the Alcoholic?

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Sep 13, 2011
by: Anonymous

You need to be getting specialised legal advice from an attorney that focuses on divorce, or at least has a good knowledge of the area. Yes legal advice does come at a cost, but maybe you can arrange terms whereby you pay a percentage of whatever you get? There must also be government sponsored programs like legal aid whereby you can get low or no cost legal advice and support. But its critical you do get proper legal advice so you can lay a stake to what's rightfully yours. And it may mean having to put up a fight and stop being 'ms nice' for a while. You deserve better. So well done on taking those 1st steps to making a new start, but you can't quit yet. Keep fighting to get what you deserve. Good Luck!

Sep 13, 2011
by: Anonymous

Can you get a hold of your local Domestic Violence Shelter? They may know exactly what you can do. It sounds like you are very brave and I commend you for getting yourself and the kids out and away from him. It takes courage to get out. Also it sounds like you know that you need to keep calling Job & Family Services. Ask them how you can qualify. How long have you been gone? I am not trying to tell you to be dishonest but you might have to tell the agency you have no where to go or you have 14 days to get out or something. I am not sure. Some cities have free legal advice that is help once a month ot a church or somewhere. Do you have a local crisis center? Can you call and ask their advice? Some places have a 211 line for crisis help. Can you move to the shelter for 30 days and get help there. Good luck and be proud that you got out! You set an example for lots of other battered women and children.

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