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When Is Enough Enough??!!! What To Do About My Husband's Continuious Cycle of Alcoholism ...

by me

Well I have asked for advice many times before and have benefited from great wisdom of others who have been through similar experiences. Well my husband has slipped over the holidays and has gotten a fourth DUI. I knew it was coming but wanted to believe he was getting better.

He had only three months of a limited license left and it has been a hard experience. One I would think he would learn from. He does electrical work and drives a van and seems to be a magnet for the authorities to stop. He has lost license ... and for the past five years on and off been on house arrest and I have had to transport him for his job.

It is hard to do my job and his too, plus he does not like my driving? We go to AA meetings( when he will go) and everything in between. I don't mind but he doesn't get better. He does just enough to get by and this time I don't think he is going to get out of.

I feel he will have to serve time and start over with DUI school, community service, addiction counseling, and no license for five years and on and on. I have three children ... 2 in college one in high school. And he is my 4th child. I love him but can not physically or financially take care of him. I have no insurance and he needs to go to a rehabilitation center.

He says he is willing but he knows we do not have the funds. I think he has been using me for the past 25 years. How do I get out of this cycle!!!!!


How do you get out of the cycle of your husband's alcoholism? Unfortunately you don't - because only he has the power to end the cycle of his addiction by taking the appropriate action to get help and find a program that will help keep him sober.

The insanity of your husband's addiction is that he continues to drink despite all the negative and potentially dangerous consequences that especially driving under the influence entails. So until your husband manages to break the cycle of his addiction, realistically he's just going to keep on repeating his current pattern and you will continue being unhappy.

What the trigger is for your husband to decide he's ready to change and commit to achieving lasting sobriety, no one can say. In some way, maybe things haven't gotten bad enough for him yet to take his recovery seriously.

So having been living with an alcoholic for so long, you no doubt now realise there isn't a lot you can do to control your husband's drinking. Alcoholism is his illness and he has to want to change if he's going to turn his life around.

That only leaves you with having to answer what you can do, while realising your happiness is entirely your responsibility. Do you think you can find happiness while staying with your husband (irrespective of what he does) - or will you need to re-evaluate your marriage and start afresh to break the cycle you find yourself in and give yourself a chance at living the life you desire?

I know many people who have said that starting afresh and ending their destructive relationships was the best thing they ever did. Others have stuck it out and are glad they did. So you need to be honest with yourself about what you want and how most realistically you'll achieve that. In doing so, hopefully the answers you're looking for will come to you.

Best Wishes and God Bless

Comments for When Is Enough Enough??!!! What To Do About My Husband's Continuious Cycle of Alcoholism ...

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Jan 02, 2010
You can't fix him so quit trying.
by: Just Another Alcoholic Adams

Two wives tried to fix me but my refusal to accept the fact that it's impossible for me to control my drinking destroyed both marriages. Though it's hard to accept, alcoholics who drink are incredibly selfish people who don't care about anyone else's needs, feelings, safety, or how much we hurt them. All we care about is pathetic selves and getting drunk enough to make everything seem OK again while we burn our lives to the ground along with those around us. And we will do whatever it takes to keep the booze flowing no matter what it costs. Over time, we eventually lose our ability to do even that.

Think about what your husband is saying. He complains about your driving yet he's the one who drives so drunk he gotten arrested numerous times You'd be quite justified to tell him to get out and walk if he doesn't like your driving because the cops have no problem with your driving yet find his driving so offensive they keep puting him in jail and the courts have taken his license away!

Many alcoholics are employed as skilled tradesmen or doctors or airline pilots or whatever. But as our addiction progresses we become childish and unable to make even basic common sense decisions. Our problem solving skills are replaced with a craving to get drunk.

Consider this. Would anyone in their right mind drive drunk again after their third DUI? Of course not. Yet I've met a guy in AA with 21 DUI's from multiple states. He even had the audacity to identify himself as his own brother during arrests, putting that poor guy in a hellish position. And he thinks that's kinda funny. Talk about selfish and inconsiderate. And he's back at it again.

Your husband is a cop magnet because his inability to properly control his vehicle while drunk is easy for cops to spot. Drunks kill and injure innocent people many times each day in the US and when we choose to break the law, we deserve to be put in jail and lose our driving privileges. Even AA's have a hard time accepting that but it's the truth. We don't like to think of ourselves as criminals, just people with a disease that need help. Yeah, and the people we victimize need a lot of help too.

Whenever I drove myself to a bar I knew that I would drive home drunk and some times extremely drunk. But drinking was so important I would try real hard to convince myself that I would just have a "couple". Yeah, sure. The only way I could get past that lie was to get drunk enough to where the thought itself and the guilt I felt was obliterated along with everything else in life I wanted to avoid.

Like it or not, I (your husband and many others) knowingly chose (choose) to engage in criminal activity--thereby making us criminals--which is a lot worse than being a stay-at-home drunk which is not illegal--and our judicial system is in complete agreement with me on that.

To my alcoholic brothers and sisters I say if you insist on destroying your lives with alcohol, at least don't take innocent people with you.

Jan 01, 2010
Live your own cycle

You're currently at the whim of your husband and the cycle he choose to follow - which is a life of addiction. So don't you think it's time to step out of being part of his self-destructive cycle and create your own cycle in a way that will bring you the fulfilment you're looking for? Life is all about making a series of continuous choices, and with each new moment that passes, you have the choice to either continue on your current path, or do something differently. We think we're the victims when involved with alcoholics, but that's because we allow ourselves to be. Of course it's not easy to change, but easy compared to what? Living or being married to an alcoholic is certainly not easy. Don't let fear hold you back. Courage it taking action despite fear. So have faith and hope that you can still create the life you want, irrespective of what your husband decides to do. Good Luck.

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