What To Do About My Alcoholic Husband ... Worried How My Kids Are Affected?
I am writing because I've been married 17 years to a very nice man, functioning in the workplace, but drinks a 12 pack of beer every night. I feel so emotionally disconnected with him, I don't like being around him when he is slurring, stumbling, or yelling at the kids.
I know he has good intentions when it comes to parenting, but I am to the point where I can't handle the rants and raves. He says bad things about me around the kids when I leave, and denies it when I confront him.
The kids are struggling now with this, as they are old enough to know that he is drunk, and they don't like it. My youngest child suffers from vocal tics, and they are getting worse. My middle child can't even talk to him kindly, as he will not defend her to her brothers.
Also, I am not attracted to him in the way he wants me to be, as I do not sleep in the same room with him. I don't have the interest in him physically, as it's really hard to be with someone who is drunk.
Frankly, I would like to be with someone else, who will care about how they are around me. The kids are a big concern, and I don't see alot posted about the kids. When do I know when it's time to get out? For the kids sake, and why do I feel so guilty that I don't feel the same way about him anymore. Help.
Children are always the biggest losers when it comes to there being alcoholism in the family
- because not only are they directly effected by your husband and his drinking
(how he behaves when he's drunk etc.), but they are also very aware of the dynamic of your relationship because of his drinking, i.e. the fights, lovelessness etc. ... and that could seriously impede their ability to have healthy relationships one day.
So being exposed to all that has lasting consequences for most children. You only need to read about the characteristics of adult children of alcoholics
to realise that the scars and damage caused will effect them for the rest of their lives.
Children deserve to be brought up in a happy, harmonious and loving environment - and if that's not possible in their current environment - you and your husband owe it to them to find a way to make that happen. And if that means having to split up because it's clear your marriage won't be able to provide that, then you both need to be adult about it and make an effort to move on in an amicable way as possible.
So if it's clear that your marriage is beyond repair and your husband has no desire to do something about his drinking, it's time to consider making serious changes. It's not fair on your kids to continue to be exposed to things the way they are.
And you also need to be honest with yourself. If you no longer love him and don't see that changing, why continue? It certainly does your kids no good being part of an unhappy family. Children thrive with love, stability, attention and harmony. Not if there is fighting, ill will, resentment and regular drunkenness.
Change is never easy. But in this case you have to consider what will be best for you and your children in the long-run. Good Luck