What Do I Do About My Wife's Drinking and Pain Meds Problem?

by Matt

Hi - I'm wondering if you could give me some direction. I have been married 1.5 years and have noticed/realized some serious problems with my wife. I called her out on an eating disorder and she admitted that its been a problem since high school, we are 28. She said she used to throw up in high school but then got hooked on laxatives.

She was always notorious for drinking alcohol and never really eating dinner. Probably 3/5 weekday nights for the past few years she would barely touch her dinner and pass out on the couch. I have finally realized that she had always been drinking more behind my back and popping tylenol PMs. I have had serious talks about this problem with her while she is sober. She always admits that she was drinking vodka and took a PM.

She says she understands my frustration and that she will change. She never does .... once I had a talk with her when I got home from work and we basically talked about the fact that I can't take it any more and
if she keeps pushing me away like this, I'll have to leave since there is no way I am going to raise a family with someone like this ... after we talked it out and made promises, she went and popped a pill and took a couple swigs of vodka.

I thought she just went to the bathroom ... she was passed out and gurgling to herself on the couch within 30 mins. I was pissed. We have had 2 serious talks since then, and it doesn't stop. The worst part I think is the lying, she lies to me non-stop when she is under the influence.

I don't want to live like this anymore, I'm ready to pull the plug, and feel like that's the extreme needs to do something about it. But I'm afraid it will push her deeper since she will then have lost her marriage. I have not gotten any family or friends involved since I don't want to embarrass her.

My parents came to visit once and she passed out before we were supposed to go to dinner, so the 3 of us went without her. She is not abusive or mean, but more of an incoherent nothing, which is not what I want to spend the rest of my life with. Any help would be great, thanks.

Answer

Hi Matt

Your wife has a serious problem that needs professional treatment. Serious talks etc. are not going to make a difference because her problem is not going to disappear with a bit of will power, no matter how good her intentions.

You need to get her into a drug and alcohol treatment facility, where she can then get the necessary help she needs to overcome her destructive behaviors and addictive tendencies.

Now she may not be open to the idea, many people who struggle with substance abuse and addictions aren't - because they live in denial as to the extent of their problem.

So you should consider enlisting the help of a drug/alcohol intervention specialist to perform a proper intervention on your wife so that she'll go for the treatment she needs.

Then it's up to her and whether she is prepared to take responsibility for her problem and make the changes she needs to. Because you need to understand that there is only so much you can do - you didn't cause her problem, you can't control her problem, and you can't cure her problem.

So start by trying to get her professional help, and should things still not improve for her, then you need to decide what you want from your future and how you're going to find happiness. But hopefully it doesn't get to that.

Good Luck and God Bless

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