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Tradition and Dysfunction: 20 Years of Alcoholism and Abuse Is Over

My marriage of 20 years ended in January of this year. My husband, the alcoholic, disappeared for the Christmas holiday when I was visiting my adult child in another state.

My husband supported my travel plans then simply fell off the map. He was in long term recovery when I met and married him. Ten years ago, when the last kid graduated from high school, he started to drink and smoke pot. We struggled from that point on.

Even when he was sober he smoked cigarettes, gambled away the food money and had affairs. In retrospect, he was never really in recovery. I went along because I loved him and was raised to be a good Catholic and forgive others.

I feared a second failed marriage more than I loved the promise of a life alone. So I hung in there while he broke me into a thousand pieces with lies, booze, cheating and emotional abuse. A few weeks ago he held a pillow to my face and he is still the one who said he was done wasting his time on our marriage.

Threats to my safety were not enough. I have a lot of fear, anxiety, grief, anger and fury to work through with my counselor. I did not ever think I would find myself here at this age of 52. It breaks my heart that I did not do more for myself sooner and that he, as sick as he is, was the smart one and said, "enough."

Even if this is a disease, he remains 100 percent responsible for the pain and wreckage he has caused. I only wish I had saved myself and my son more quickly.

Comments for Tradition and Dysfunction: 20 Years of Alcoholism and Abuse Is Over

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Jan 07, 2012
One step at a time
by: Anonymous

Find a counselor - try to save enough money to move out - your kids will be happy in a hole if the chaos and abuse stops, go to a friend and ask to move in, or a women's shelter if you fear for your safety. Call al- anon.

Know you are not crazy but rather your home is crazy. I left and I am never going back. If you are not ready that is okay too.we all must do what we have to do to survive. I do not know you but we are sisters.

Jan 07, 2012
lost Wives of Alcoholics
by: Anonymous

why is it that we cannot let our husbands go, and they act horrible, yet we are the ones that feel badly. I too have been married for a long time, wanting to stay married, in the same house and praying that GOD would heal my husband, and we would live a fairy tale marriage. we were high school sweethearts and he did not drink before we married but both his parents were alcoholics. i would love to tell everyone DO NOT MARRY a man that has addiction problems in his family or in his own background. there is always a fear.
i am so heartbroken, this week has been the worst in my life, and as anonymous said, when they are drunk, he just keeps talking and criticizing under his breathe early this morning while he was just starting the vodka bottle, now this evening, drunk, he is slamming doors, throwing things, all calling me vile names. i am just praying he will be passed out by the time my daughter comes home. i have looked all day on the internet for , but all is see is desperate women all crying for help. I see good women, christian women, praying their husbands would die. this is just not right that we are living with men like this. my counselor said that some people are resistant to treatment, which she thinks my husband is. he has been to 3 rehabs!

it is sad to say, we are all crying out for help, and there is no one. It seems as if GOD has forsaken us. I am so sad too.

Jan 07, 2012
by: Anonymous

I have too been the victim of abuse for 25 years this point it is really the financial fear of losing everything I have sold my soul to save...and for what? My children not to have divorced parents, live in their family home...go to college and to have a hell hole to call home?
I too believe in the sacred vows of marriage...but I am as sick as my husband? Very depressed living day to day saying I am not puting up with this anymore,,,and still doing the same over and over.
Lately though my husban seems to be getting worse..more agitated and insane acting. It scares me. Is fine in the evening he is either reading the Bible and listening to religous programs on TV or he is drunk or passed out in his recliner. he talks to himself and insults me, remembering the next day or acts like he does not.He is also obsessed with food...eats everything in site, even we don't have enough for kids. He want me to be his provider, mother, police....and then his wife. I love him because he is the father of my children and the person he was when we married....he is not that person anymore. He is content pretty much because I take care of everything...and I am miserable.I go to Alanon and it helps, but I can't seem to get away.
How can I help myself????????????????????Please Help Me!!

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