Tradition and Dysfunction: 20 Years of Alcoholism and Abuse Is Over

My marriage of 20 years ended in January of this year. My husband, the alcoholic, disappeared for the Christmas holiday when I was visiting my adult child in another state.

My husband supported my travel plans then simply fell off the map. He was in long term recovery when I met and married him. Ten years ago, when the last kid graduated from high school, he started to drink and smoke pot. We struggled from that point on.

Even when he was sober he smoked cigarettes, gambled away the food money and had affairs. In retrospect, he was never really in recovery. I went along because I loved him and was raised to be a good Catholic and forgive others.

I feared a second failed marriage more than I loved the promise of a life alone. So I hung in there while he broke me into a thousand pieces with lies, booze, cheating and emotional abuse. A few weeks ago he held a pillow to my face and he is still the one who said he was done wasting his time on our marriage.

Threats to my safety were not enough. I have a lot of fear, anxiety, grief, anger and fury to work through with my counselor. I did not ever think I would find myself here at this age of 52. It breaks my heart that I did not do more for myself sooner and that he, as sick as he is, was the smart one and said, "enough."

Even if this is a disease, he remains 100 percent responsible for the pain and wreckage he has caused. I only wish I had saved myself and my son more quickly.