The Girl Who Saved My Life By Saving Me from My Drinking Problem. God Works in Mysterious Ways.
I was 13 years old when I started drinking ... I know, how do you start drinking at the age of 13? Well growing up I never had the closest of friends, constantly switching groups but never really fitting in to the point where they were my "clique".
During the last semester of my eight grade year I finally met a couple of people at school that I felt like I could relate too. They weren't ones to judge me, but rather accepted me and seemed to want to have me around. I have to mention that my new friends consisted of 4 boys and 2 other girls.
Having been hanging out with them for a while at school the girls finally invited me over for the night. Excited, but also nervous I knew that I was going to have to make a great impression on them. This is the night my life changed.
After hanging out for awhile the girls started getting dressed, confusing me. We were to sneak out to go hangout with the guys that we always hung out with at school. Arriving there I didn't know what to expect but soon enough I realized that tonight I would be having my first alcoholic drink ... definitely not my last ... I was nervous didn't know how I really felt about the situation, but I trusted them and took drink after drink with my new friends.
Soon after everyone start touching and kissing when one of the guys starts trying to feel up on me. I really wasn't comfortable, but the rest of my friends were doing it and assured me that it was ok. This was not only my first night drinking but also my first night having sex. I can't say I was against it. It was the first time that I had ever felt desired by a guy and the feeling was great.
This feeling of being desired stuck with me and from then on I knew what I wanted to do with my weekends. I stayed hanging out with the same crowd for the next year or so but ending my freshman year I started to branch off and meet new people doing my own thing. I fell into a trap. I only went to hang out with the people who were buying alcohol and more so the people who were buying it and letting me drink it.
I thought it was cool because I was with older guys and they were acting like they wanted to be with me but really all they wanted was sex. Being a drunk slut I could never tell the difference until I started hearing the rumours that started. At that time I went into a really 'bad don't give a fuck rebellious stage.'
Once again all by myself ... or me and my habit with the people who would help me support it. Around the end of my junior year though I met the girl who would save my life. Being sent to my school because she had been caught with another girl - and her parents wanted to end that abruptly - has got to be my biggest blessing thus far in my life.
We had classes together in which we started to talk. I don't know why but she trusted me ... there was no sexual tension at all. To tell you the truth she was just as ashamed of what she had gotten into as her parents of not more because of her religious background.
After opening up to me it only felt right to let her know how lonely and broken I was. Alcohol had not longer been a stress reliever to me but a necessity ... I hated it but couldn't stop. One night I ended up calling her when one of my "supporters" had left me at a party. He had used me for sexual needs and left me!
Nowhere within walking distance if I might add, and this is where it hit me. What am I doing to myself!? I got drunk to the point where I didn't care about my appearance, would have sex with anyone who was willing to get me alcohol, and really was just making a fool of myself. I had nowhere to turn but to my newly found friend.
She ended up sneaking out of her house taking her sister's car (that's who she lived with after being sent away from her parents) - and coming to get me. Before letting me get out of the car and going inside my house we had a conversation that will be with me forever ...
In short it was a 'what are you doing with your life, what do you want to do with your life, how are you planning to do this, and if you need help I'm here for you because you were there for me.'
Embarrassed I avoided her all week, not trying to be mean but definitely keeping my distance. That Thursday she stalked me and until I had to talk to her. She invited me to her church. That one time going to her church changed my life. I have never been to a place where the peoples love felt so genuine and family oriented before.
One week led to another and to another. I had no real friends so it came easy to be able to give up my weekends to hangout with her and her sister's family. The only struggles I had were at home alone when I knew I could sneak a drink from my parents bar.
They soon found out though a started to lock everything up. Now it all just seems like a bad dream - only it lasted what, 2 and a half, 3 years. I don't know why this girl was placed in my life or why the lord chose to show me his grace but he did.
For that my life is changed and I will be forever thankful! I did it and believe anyone can do it, you just have to find the strength within yourself.