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Parents Sometimes Fail: Four Children are Drug Addicts and My Wife Alcoholic

by J.D. M.

Father of 6 children. 5 boys and 1 daughter. 4 users and 2 sober ones. Wife? Well she is an alcoholic too. Me - well I am a moving target.
Pretty much that's my story and I'm sticking to it as they say.

I always thought I did the best I could until I was proved obviously wrong. They say that kids don't come with instructions, and I lost mine at a very young age.

Unfortunately you don't need a license or certification to have your own children, just a willing "Carrier" to bear the burden of child birth.

The first I found out that was an abuser was my wife. Her drinking was much more than a drink at dinner. It became a drive with a drink, a dinner with a drink, a good day with a drink, a bad day with a drink, it became a drink with a drink. Then finally an affair with a drink. That was the first bullet I had to dodge.

While dodging that bullet, it really got complicated even more. I didn't see my kids having a hard time until--Number 2 son is having a hard time in school. Damn - he must be drinking??? NOT! Let's look in his room....Hummm what are these papers with the wet spots on them? Do people really still do LSD? First trip to jail for a 14 year old ....

Then - "The phone call." "Can you come home? The police are here." "They have a search warrant and are looking for money received from drug sales of your 12 year old" !!!!!

In a short while one wants out and insists on joining the army. Not saying why, but he wanted away from the insanity--He was the smart one.

Daughter was older and had run away. When she returned, the others want to be like big sister. How do you load a needle? How do you get that stuff in a needle. By then drugs were a daily part of our family I think, but didn't know.

"Hey honey, did you get in my wallet? There is a hundred dollar bill missing."

Honey--- "where is the video game?"

"Has anyone seen my pistol, it was in my drawer....."

Telephone again ... Mr XXX, I think one of your trucks are parked in our parking lot--Can't be, it is parked ---- oh shxt! Where is it?

Ok, so I've got my guard up and watching every child I've got...

Then the blind side--- Honey, I have fallen in love with a co-worker and he understands me!!!!
By now I am really wishing, hoping I could find that gun!!!!

Ok, I can fix everything, I always have! I'll get cameras installed. I'll put alarms in. "Son", was that you in this picture, getting into my desk, or wallet? Yes, I'm sorry ... 14 times later----Cameras were a waste of money!!!

Oh, I know, I will put GPS' in my vehicles.
Bottom line is all that stuff does is to confirm what you all ready know. Unless knowing where to pick up your truck is a consolation ....

Eleven years later ----- well one in 'rehabed' for the 3rd time ... I kicked one out and said don't come back until you are cleaned up. Youngest is in a rehab facility. (Thank God for insurance). Number 3 three is still using I'm sure. Needle on floor was a dead give away..

I've always thought I was a pretty smart guy. I guess that was my first and biggest mistake. I looked up the word "Normal" in the dictionary. I found out that I live in a normal house. It just isn't a good normal, but it is the "Normal" we have become accustomed too.

Question is---NOW WHAT????

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always sounds easy
by: JDM

Thanks, I appreciate the input. I'm a reasonably smart guy, but applying what we know isn't esay. I have went through it over and over in my mind--"You don't have to be a victim" "Choose Not to Be" "Tough Love, kick him out"
It sounds easy and probably the best thing to do, but I think as parents, we don't want to give up either. However I am getting to a place moneywise, if I don't stop there won't be anymore help anyway. Pretty soon mom and I will be living outdoors.

Thanks again

Crazy stuff
by: Anonymous

Not a lot you can do, other than do your best to stay sane in and amongst all the chaos you're surrounded by. Parents usually do the best they know how, and ultimately it's up to the children to make the best of their lives. Plenty stories of kids with difficult backgrounds who've become happy and successful. All boils down to choice at the end of the day. You have choices too (hopefully the gun thing was a joke) - to re-create your own life if you want. Can't change the past, but you can do something about your future.

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