Parents Don't Agree About Letting Daughter Move Back Home. She Has A Drug Problem and Refuses To Get Help
My husband wants to allow our almost 20 year old daughter to move back home. My 14 year old daughter and I do not want her to move back. She has a drug problem, lies and steals, and refuses long-term treatment.
To make matters worse, my mother agrees with my husband. We have gone to much counseling and Nar-anon, but they still enable her. A year ago, he let her back in the home and I moved out. He got sick of dealing with her months later, and threw her out. She has been staying at my mother's but she is going back to Florida.
She stole my mother's car a week ago in the middle of the night and put 100 miles on it and messed up the brakes. I asked my mom to call the police, her probation officer, or throw her out, but she says she can't. My mother has been lecturing me on a daily basis to let her back in my house.
But my daughter can't go 24 hours without creating some kind of chaos. I used to do all the disciplining because my husband can't deal with confrontation, but he doesn't support my decisions concerning this daughter. We didn't bail out the other two when they got in trouble, but he can't quit enabling this one.
It is really hurting our marriage and a terrible example for our 14-year old daughter. If he lets her back again, I feel I have no choice but to leave again. But I am a Christian and I feel like I am not supposed to leave either. I need some advice please.
There is very little you can do about your daughter if you and your husband are not singing from the same hymn sheet. And it's not helping your daughter either, because as long as she knows your husband isn't prepared to follow through or stand his ground, she'll just keep manipulating him to get her way.
You're right in saying that you should be trying to get your daughter into treatment for her drug problem, but as long as you as a family don't show a united front, it's going to be very difficult.
But this isn't just about your daughter, there are clearly fundamental differences in how you and your husband believe things should be handled, and until you resolve that, it's going to be difficult to initiate change and really help your daughter. So somehow you two are going to have to find a way to get on the same page, so maybe some marriage counseling is something you need to look at.
But if things still don't change and you and your husband are unable to see eye to eye, you're going to have to make a call, as to how you feel the best way to handle that is. And if you think moving out is the only resort available left to you, then that's your decision to make.
Hopefully you and your husband can find some kind of common ground and it doesn't get to that. But for the sake of both your daughter's, you need to be showing a unified approach, because it's damaging them both, albeit in different ways.
P.S. The reality is you're faced with every parents worst nightmare - having a child addicted to drugs. So it may also be worth you taking a look at Help! My Child Is An Addict
because we cover a lot extra information in there that can really help you. Not only in terms of ways to help your daughter, but your marriage as well.