Our Adult Son is on Drugs and Denies It. What Is the Best Thing to Say to Him When He Calls?
I wrote earlier about our 40 yr. old son on drugs and your answer was very helpful and reaffirmed what we are doing and already knew. I have been taking his phone calls asking for money for cigarettes an/or milk,etc. I told him absolutely not--no more money for anything until he gets into rehab or gets help with his drug problem.
He usually yells at me that I don't have a clue and that he has no money so how could he do drugs. I told him I would discontinue the conversation if he became verbally abusive. He said "have a nice life" and "you won't hear from me again" and hung up.
He usually always calls again especially when he gets desperate. He has 6 days till his rent runs out and he will be evicted. We have informed him a month ago that we would no longer pay his rent or give him any money. He continues to sleep all day and always has cigarettes (don't know where he gets money for them) and hasn't made any attempt to find work after losing two very good jobs.
Am I saying the right things when he calls--repeating that until he gets into a rehab program there is no more help? What if he shows up on my doorstep after getting evicted?? How do I handle that?? Do I call the police or warn him in advance that if he does that I will call the police?
He has never said "I don't take drugs" but always uses the excuse "I don't have money so how could I do drugs". His behavior and way of life point to drug impairment and his so called "friends" have in the past called to report his drug use as well as his stealing from them etc. Your advice is very welcome--
Yes, you are saying the right thing when he calls. Simply keep re-affirming that until he is prepared to go to drug rehab
and turn his life around, you are not prepared to support him any longer.
He's got to learn that his choices have consequences and that he has to start being accountable for his actions. So if that means he gets evicted or whatever, then so be it. If things start getting hard enough for him, he may actually consider taking his addiction and doing something about it, more seriously.
And if he does show up on your doorstep, simply repeat what you've said before. You are no longer prepared to support him and until he gets clean and turns his life around, him living at home is not an option. If he's not prepared to accept that and gets in any way threatening or aggressive, then yes, call the police.
Addicts are great at manipulation and having you feel sorry for them or somehow making you feel responsible. So don't fall into that trap. You're doing the right thing so far. The ball is in your son's court - he knows what he needs to do - so it's now up to him to do it. Stay strong and good luck.