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No Where To Turn

by Victoria
(Columbus, Ohio)

My daughter started out saying that she was smoking pot for medicinal purposes. She was diagnosed with Epilepsy and a possible Auto Immune Problem. At first I tried to look the other way because her symptoms did seem to improve with pot.

Now its way beyond that with the pot and the prescription meds. She is 27 and lives at home because of all of her health issues. She is doped and lays on the couch most of the time watching tv. We pleaded, hospitalized her, begged, cried and threatened her. Nothing works.

I just can't throw her out again. She was gone for 2 days and it did nothing at all and I let her come home because she's sick. She smokes pot in the yard and garage and is really careless. She lies all of the time and it is destroying our family. We are beside ourselves. I cannot see to find help. They either want a bunch of money or tell me that I am over reacting. Maybe there are no answers.

I am sure she is depressed from the health issues and a rape at age 14. A biy at summer camp raped her. Her life has been really hard and now I feel like we are losing all of us - the whole family. I really don't think there are any answers if I can't seem to throw her out. That is what others say to do. She is ill and has seizures. How can I throw her out? Answer

Hi Victoria

With multiple medical disorders, it really does become complex as to how best to help your daughter. She clearly needs help, but if she refuses to get any, it does leave your hands tied to a large degree, because as you say she is sick and so throwing her out is not really an option.

Would she not at least be open to some counseling/therapy? There is obviously a lot of stuff she needs to work through and process considering what happened to her - and it seems like she's using the pot and painkillers to self-medicate to a large degree. So ongoing therapy would be a good place to start.

Somehow you need to try and get through to her that things can't continue as they are, and that not only is she wasting her own life, she's taking the whole family down with her. You're going to have to try and win your daughter's trust - on the one hand get her to open up and listen to you - and on the other try be firm and be clear that things are going to have to change.

Maybe the whole family could also consider going for family counseling, so you can all express your feelings in a safe, mediated environment? I know this is hard, but you're just going to have to keep searching for answers. The key though is getting through to your daughter, and maybe with some therapy she'll start to realise how she's wasting her life, and the wounds of the past will begin to heal.

Best of Luck

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