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Never Saw The Signs: My Boyfriend Shooting Up and His Heroin Addiction

My boyfriend just recently got admitted to rehab. He lived with me and I never saw the signs of him shooting up. I was so blind to it all. He was such a good guy to me but I saw mood changes when he was around other people.

He has told me he loved me and everything but I feel every time he did he was high so I don't even know if I know the real him.

I feel so dumb and naive for not seeing it. We cleaned out his car and room the other day and I for the first time in my life saw the needles and spoons he was using. I broke down and now its an imagine I cant get out of my mind. I'm only 20 and I never expected in my life time to see that.

I pray for him everyday hoping that this time in rehab he will get passed all this and get better. I don't care that I'm hurting - I'm more worried about him getting better. I don't know if that is good or bad. I know he didn't mean to put me through all this but he is and I don't want to blame him.

I have such a big heart that I would rather cry every night and have sleepless nights just so he can get better. I would love responses on what to do.

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Stop the fear -- how?
by: Carrie

I just ended a relationship with my BF who is a heroin addtict and I did see the signs. I knew he was addicted but had been clean for many years. But I didn't know he was using methadone (pills) to help him stay off heroin so I didn't see those signs. But I think he is addicted to meth and I know he is shooting heroind again. He was off heroin for over 12 years and said the meth saved his life as it kept it from doing heroin. But now he is shooting again and I had to end it. He's used heroin for over 20 years with breaks of sobriety in between. It is awfully sad to see this happen to someone but it is also painful for the non user, so painful, to be lied to and manipulated over and over. It gets to a point where you think you are going crazy with the manipulative behavior of the addict. I fear for him greatly but lost the love, I just feel bad for him and want him well. But I can't be with someone who is so disruptive to my own mental health. I fear he will OD although he's been lucky so far. I guess I feel guilty now that I'v finally walked away for good. But after a couple of detox places and promises of a halfway house or some kind of residentail place, he does not ever follow up on it. I am so afraid he will OD but I just can't stand the drugs. I found a bunch of needles in his pocket and I found a small plastic piece of a baggie on my bathroom floor with a bit of powder on it. He said it was methadone because he breaks up the pills but whatever, I just couldn't take it anymore. But I did give him one more chance for rehab as I always get this really scared feeling he will OD and I want to stand by him. But when he went back to the drugs I finally ended it. I can't go back, it is sick and so dirty to me the whole thing. But how do you stop feeling so afraid for someone? I want to move on and be free again but I do worry. I cannot have any contact with him, that's how it has to be. I don't want contact. He knows what he needs to do. He's been addicted to heroin for over 20 hears, on and off, he knows. But I want to stop feeling afraid.

Married to an addict
by: Anonymous

I agree with the previous post. I was 20 when I met my husband and about 6 months into the relationship I found out he smoked heroin. I felt the same way as you that all I wanted to do was be there for him and wished I could share the struggle. He went to rehab too, several times. Long story short we got married last year now 29 and I just received the call that all drug user families/spouse fear, he OD. Fortunately, someone found him and he is alive. The hospital told me a needle was found. He confessed that he just started using needles. I guess my advice to you as hard as it is for me to say is get out now before you get too attached. I know it will be hard because I have been there and I thought for sure he would change, but I am here to tell you that I have spent my entire twenties waiting with ups and downs. It's hard but it only gets harder. I know people can overcome addiction, but my advice is be a friend and move on and live your life. It takes a lot of work and energy. The hard part is you never know if they are telling the truth no matter how good it sounds it usually ends up being a lie. My husband is a good person off drugs unfortunately that is not the person I get on most days. My husband is smart, nice, comes from a good family, but unfortunately got introduced to drugs and struggles all time. I have invested most my energy and time trying to help/change him and it has been hard for my family to watch. I now have resentment towards him, but also take some of the blame. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend.

He's in the right place
by: Anonymous

Your boyfriend being in rehab means he's in the right place and where he stands the best possible chance of being helped for his heroin addiction. You need to understand that addicts are highly skilled manipulators and masters at hiding what they do. So don't take it personally that you never saw the signs. Many don't. Unless you know what to look for it's not easy to spot. Be gentle on yourself and do what you can to do things that make you happy again - spend time with friends, take part in activities/hobbies you enjoy. Try and get some quality 'me time' in. And then simply let go and trust that things with your boyfriend will work out however they're meant to. If he really wants to overcome his heroin addiction, rehab is a great place to start, and then it's up to him as to how committed he is to put in the work he needs to, to change. Look after yourself.

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