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My Son Is Addicted to Drugs and Is Stealing, Selling, Lying and Ripping People Off.

My 17 yr old son is addicted to drugs. He steals from us and his own grandparents. He steals from his own friends homes. He has been caught selling, My husband and I helped in getting him arrested, this did nothing.

I tried getting him to go for counselling he refuses, he doesn't admit to anything even when I catch him in the act, stealing from my purse. We ground him he sneaks out, even out his bedroom window. We keep him involved in sports, and try several times to just talk but he doesn't want to hear anything. He also constantly fights with his siblings.

I am so sick of hearing other parents say well if that was my son they 'put up with it ... well exactly what would they do? Do I throw him out? Then how would I be able to sleep at night worrying about him and what if something happened to him how would I be able to live with myself, I know its called tough love but how do I get through it?

Now he supposedly ripped a few people off and are looking for him. I really don't know what to do but I love my son and I know I need to help him but I just don't know how, PLEASE HELP! Answer

Do you want to appease your conscience or do you want to do what is best for your son? Because doing what is best for your son means telling him that if he doesn't want to take responsibility for his life and keeps behaving like a delinquent, then he's on his own.

Because right now your son knows no matter what he does, there is nothing you can do to stop him. So your son needs to learn that while he may be right ... living a life of drug addiction, stealing, dealing in drugs and all the other things he does is not a value system you endorse - and the only way to make that clear is to kick him out.

Tough love is a misunderstood word. It's more about teaching someone about the concept of personal responsibility and that their life and well-being is entirely in their hands through the choices they make.

Because right now you're effectively saying it's okay to lie and cheat and steal and kill yourself (and other people if he's selling) - you may not intend it, but that's what you're doing. It's called enabling his behavior.

Make it clear to your son that you love him and only want the best for him - and that if he agrees to get professional help (long-term rehab), you'll do whatever you can to support him. But you can't just stand by and let him self-destruct the way he's currently doing.

By trying to protect your son you don't allow him to live with the consequences of his actions. Getting him arrested was a start, but you have to follow through. Otherwise the message he's getting is that he can keep getting away with it, because no one is prepared to stand up to his behavior.

And the way you learn to deal with this is by involving yourself with people who are going through something similar. Groups like Nar-Anon and Al-Anon are perfect for that, because they help family members like you deal with the insanity of it all.

As a parent there is only so much you can do. You can't control your son or his choices. But you can put boundaries in place and say 'enough is enough.' Your son has to learn his own lessons, and what the price he's ultimately going to have to pay, no one can foresee - because the game he's playing is not only dangerous, but also potentially fatal.

You never stop worrying entirely as a parent, but you can learn how to let go and detach. What happens to your son is out of your hands - so long as he knows you love him and that you'll be there for him once he's ready to get help and turn his life around, is all you can really do.

Take Care

P.S. What you're going through is every parents worst nightmare, so knowing how best you can help your son is Why I Wrote Help My Child Is An Addict. I encourage you to Take A Look at what you can learn by clicking on the link, because there is so much more to this that I simply can't go into here.

Comments for My Son Is Addicted to Drugs and Is Stealing, Selling, Lying and Ripping People Off.

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please help me NEW
by: Anonymous

my son has been caught stealing from us and now hes going for drug testing I have no idea what is in volved in choosing a rehab place we live in ny c and have no can I don't know where to turn or what to do someone please answer on how to go about finding a rehab place

my son is addict too
by: Anonymous

Hi I have a 24 years old son who is using pills on and off since 3 years ago. When he was in college, he was in football team and playing for his collage. He got hurt during practice and his physician proscribed oxycontin and since then he is addicted to it. We found out first when he stole money form me. I am a nurse and I knew this is a sign of addiction, we moved him home from college and he did not admit to his addiction. After few months he admitted that he is using pills and I took him to rehab but he just stayed for 3 days and came back home. He got to trouble with low because he stool something from some one and sold it. he is in probation for 2 years and for while he was taking suboxone and doing much better. this past few months he started taking stuff from home and I talked to him and he admitted again that he is back in using pills and he again started back in suboxone to make him stop taking pills. 2 weeks ago he moved to another state to live with his uncle and now he is there and he is not using anything. I told him he should not come back home and he needs to find a job there since he just graduated from college. I want him to be away from this town to be away from his friends. I hope he is going to be ok and get rid of this addiction.

by: Anonymous

My 21 yr old son starting using pills and then snoting them. Probably shooting, but not confirmed. He starting stealing from us and then friends of ours. Our friends didn't press charges, but made us look at what was really going on. My son entered the Galax Life Center almost 28 days ago. Detox was hell, but he did it. And now for the first time in along time I can see the son that he was and he talks about the man he wants to be. He doesn't want to come home though, this is a real shock and hurts my heart. But he has explained he just isn't ready to be on his own and face the same town and people that helped him with his addiction. He is wanting to go into a halfway house about 2 hrs from home. He says he needs that extra help from people that he can't con. He knows us better than we do, I guess. He knows he could easily fall back doing the same thing and we would try to help, but he isn't sure if we can be strong enough for him. Strong enough to make him be responsible for his actions. As a mother, I am not sure I can be that tough parent he needs right now. But I am SSSSSOOOOO proud of him to realize at this point in his life he needs that. He has a good heart and now he is reading the bible and even giving us scriptures to read to help heal our hearts. He actually said thanks for all we have done, somethng he hasn't said in a long time. I feel like he is all alone, but I know God is with him. Good luck to all the parents and patients out there.

I also want to thank you
by: Anonymous

I have a daughter that is addicted. She went to rehab and came home and went back to it. She has stole from me,her grandparents and friends.
She continues to lie to us and we were forced to ask her to leave because we could no longer support her when she was not playing by the rules. It breaks my heart and I worry about her and I miss her. Part Of her problem is she has a boyfriend she thinks she loves that actually got her started on the drugs and when she gets better the influence to do the drugs with him drags her back into it. She will not make up her mind to stay away from him and others that continue to influence her. I feel tremendous guilt asking her to leave when I spent the last 22 years supporting her and reading your comment helped to reinforce that I am doing the right thing even though it hurts so much.

My son is also an addict
by: Anonymous

I am going through something similar with my 18 year old son. He's been to rehab twice and continues to use.

The last straw for me (this time) was Christmas eve. He stayed out all night, and breeched his court ordered curfew again. I approached him today and told him that either he goes back to rehab and stays for the maximum amount of time they will allow, which I believe is 90 days, or he finds another place to live.

He refused to go for that long, which was aweful for me because now I have to follow through. I told him of a group home he could go to, and gave him 2 days to think about where he will go. I just pray I don't have to call the police to remove him.

I think I finally realized that there's nothing I can do. Both times he went to rehab, I was so hopeful that he would change, and both times he was using within a day or two of getting out. I was blind to it, but I know now. So, I have to choose to let him be the one to pay the price for his addiction and not me, my husband, and other children.

I will not worry about him making his court appearances, I won't worry about if he's keeping his court ordered appointments with youth probation, and counselling. I will no longer try to get him help by getting him into rehab. His addiction belongs to him....not me. If he chooses to go to rehab, then he can go, but I won't push it and I won't house him when he gets out if I think for one second that he's not serious about recovery.

I also have a 15 year old daughter who sees him getting away with his behaviours, a 12 year old step-daughter, and a 5 month old baby. Enough is enough....I'm tired.

by: Anonymous

Thankyou so much for your prompt response. I really needed that reassurance that by telling him he was on his own and couldnt live with us anymore if he kept this behavior up that I wasnt turning my back on him. I told him this yesterday and he already agreed to go see a counselor. I know i probably have a long road ahead of me and things wont be fixed overnight but at least its something positive which is something we really needed right now. Just by your single response it gave me the courage to do this, so again THANK YOU!!

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