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My Son Has Been Drinking a Bottle of Vodka Almost Every Night. I Know He Smokes Too

by Rose
(NY- use)

My Son has been drinking a bottle of Vodka almost every night - I know he smokes the other stuff as well and I been told he take other people prescriptions from time to time.

He is 21 now however 3 years ago in 2008 when 18 I had to bring him to the ER for taking too many over the counter cold pills for a "high" - since then he was doing better and started working then just quit because he did not like the hours. He got compliments on the job from his boss - and even after a few no call no shows his boss still wanted him back.

This past winter he got a full time job and seemed very happy! Started hanging out with some people that would drink a lot and then he started! He quit his other job saying they were not treating him fair. This has happened in the past month and I have noticed that he has become anti-social, was coming home at all hours and sometimes not even coming home at all!

That was not too unusual before - because he was staying with people closer to work especially in the winter. However I also noticed he has been driving drunk - he said it was hours ago. The other night though he did come home drunk with half a Vodka bottle on the passenger's seat.

My 19 year old daughter let me know she was still up when he came home. Now this is my car he was borrowing while working, and as much as it made me feel bad I had to ask him for the keys back. He cannot longer pay for insurance - so I cannot just let him be. He really does not talk much to anyone and he has no idea what to do next.

When I text him he texts back, I have a lot on my plate right now. He does not believe in God. However he has such a caring heart! I have been praying for him every day! I feel he is lost and I KNOW I AM GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE "THAT" TALK WITH HIM ABOUT THE RULES OF THE HOUSE AND HELPING OUT IF HE IS TO STAY HERE!

HOW WOULD I LIVE WITH MYSELF IF HE CHOOSES NOT TO GO BY THE RULES AND LEAVES AND DIES!?! I MEAN WHERE WOULD HE GO? HOW COULD I TELL MY SON HE IS NOT WELCOME HERE! AT THE SAME TIME THO ~ THERE ARE TIMES I WISH HE WAS NOT HERE BECAUSE HOW SCARED I GET IF HE IS OK OR NOT?~? My Husband - not his father, tries to help him. He talks with him however with no response. My Husband has been there - he knows what it is like.

I do not know what to do ... may I add that my older Son 23 I believe has the same problem, the difference is the older one talks more - and is going to start Job Corp to help he get his life together. My daughter is 19 now but before used to get drunk all the time and left the house with her friends for a while.

We even called the police to find her once. She has since stopped the crazy drinking and her and I get along so good now. She is starting college in the fall. So for her I guess it was more a phase.

My 21 year old has no light at the end of the tunnel that he is willing to find and or try to see! I do not know the right words to say - I mess them up anyway because I get all emotional - and teary eyed! I feel him not believing in God has a lot to do with how he feels inside! I am at a loss and just really need direction.

Thank you for having this site to just be able to vent feels sooo much better! I wish he could find a place to vent as well. Blessings to all and sorry for everyone that is going through hard time with their families. Answer

Hi Rose

You think that by putting boundaries/rules in place regarding your son living at home will put him at greater risk if he leaves because he decides he doesn't want to abide by those boundaries.

But something could just as likely happen to him while living at home if he's drinking a bottle of vodka a day and driving under the influence. In fact the danger to himself and others is probably even greater while he lives at home, because you've been allowing him to use the car, and he's abused that privilege by driving under the influence.

The point is you can't protect your son and prevent something happening to him - whether he's living at home or if he moves out. If something is going to happen, it will happen, irrespective. But what you can do is try and teach your son the concept of responsibility and that he's responsible for the choices he makes.

And those choices come with consequences. If he makes good choices, the consequences will likely be positive. But if he continues making bad one's - the consequences won't be all that pleasant. So by putting ground rules/boundaries in place and stopping him from using your car, he is forced to start taking responsibility for his decisions.

I know as a parent your instincts are to want to protect. But there is only so much you can do. At some point you have to let your children 'learn to fly' and learn from the mistakes they make. There is no other way.

So don't be afraid to have 'that talk' with your son. He needs to hear it and realise that with adulthood come certain responsibilities and if he doesn't like that, well then he has to start taking care of himself.

Best of Luck

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