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My Mothers Keeper: Trying To Save My Mom From Her Drug Addiction

by Daniela
(Bronx, NY)

It all started when I was 12. My Mom had a boyfriend that used to do drugs during that time. His preference of drug was Angel Dust/Cocaine. I noticed my Mom was acting really weird during that time; she was agitated, angered easily, nervous and jumpy.

I didn't really pay much attention to it. When I was 15 the major problems started happening and I started understanding slowly. I remember the good times before that. My mother and I would visit a friend of hers. They were so close. We used to visit everyday pretty much after school. After a while, I started noticing my mother was changing even more ...

Money started disappearing faster, suddenly she didn't have money for certain bills, she needed $10 here and there. It was like money was vanishing like water. I used to come home from work, open the door and my mother would be in the bathroom with the door locked and the water running. I would knock and she would say she was coming out in a few minutes ... a few minutes turned into a few hours.

Sometimes I wouldn't see her till the next day. I hated waking up in the morning; she was always had a bad attitude, moody ... I remember she stole my paycheck the day right after I got paid. I cried the whole day after and hardly ate that whole week. It got to the point where my mother was starting to physically abuse me. We even fought twice.

She would keep me upstairs and say I couldn't call anyone, lock the door and tell me if I attempted to leave she would kill me. This happened one day after she had beat me and was emotionally torturing me. She sent me downstairs for a minute; w/o wallet or keys, sneakers, or sweater - this was so she was sure I wouldn't leave.

I never went to the store ... I ran to the bus stop fearing for my life. I stood there with no money waiting for the bus hoping it would come soon ... I had never felt so afraid in my life. My friend was luckily driving around and gave me a ride to my grandmothers. He was my savior at that moment - I couldn't had been more grateful.

I went through selling my most valued possessions to withdrawing all the money in my bank account just to get my mother out of her jams. I starved, had drug dealers bust in the door of my house, had other crackheads visit the house and use and I've even seen my mother using.

Recently, 7 years later, my mother is still addicted. She recently stole from my grandmothers bills and even fought with my grandmother. My family has gotten to the point where they are sick and tired of it all. My grandmother pressed charges and I feel like I am alone now in this situation. Alone battling this depression and worry because nobody wants to help anymore. I don't know what to do.

My mother has gone into several rehabs with some success ... she's even been clean for a year. Nothing longer than that. I hate to see her like this. I wish she could read this and see how much it affects me all the time. My depression has even gotten to the point where I can't seem to function daily anymore.

I can't work everyday or go to school, much less hold down an emotional relationship with someone or even my family. I'm scared for her. I'm scared she's going to die alone ... she is a diabetic and doesn't even eat sometimes. She can't see either when she's getting high ... she even falls due to nerve damage. I wonder if this addiction will go into remission.

I wonder if I will always take care of my mother and see her struggle day to day. I wonder if I will be my mothers keeper, always? Please, if anybody reads this, pray for my mother and her recovery. Her name is Luz Ivette. She has a mother who worries about her everyday and is simply scared of losing her only daughter to drugs, She has a 23 year old daughter and a 2 year old granddaughter who love her dearly.

I want my mother to see my daughter go to kindergarten, graduate from high school or even college. I don't want to lose her ... I'm not ready but I'm not giving up hope that one day she will be clean again.

Comments for My Mothers Keeper: Trying To Save My Mom From Her Drug Addiction

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You Are Not Your Mother's Keeper
by: Anonymous

Unfortunately, addicts cannot see or think beyond their habits. You need to stop enabling your mother by helping her. I know this seems cruel, but, I have a mother who is the same way. I stopped enabling her and she only found someone else to use. I have five children and I have been waiting for my mother my entire life, she has yet to be part of my life or my children's life. Your daughter needs you and your primary responsibility is to your daughter right now. I will pray for your mother, but, remember...your mom will not change until she is ready! You are setting yourself up for failure if you think your mother is going to change for any other reason than when she is ready. Please know that I am not meaning any of this in a cruel manner, I am just being blunt b/c I have cried myself to sleep many nights praying over my mother, wondering when she will stop urinating on herself, stop ending up in the hospital almost dead, and stop falling down and hurting herself. I had to make the hardest decision in my life, staying away from her and keeping my children away! You are young and you can show your daughter that you are not your mother and she can rely on you. God sets us up in life so that we are able to do his work along the way, even if we don't realize why it worked out that way...please keep praying, but, don't kill yourself with depression and worry! :)

Your daughter needs to be your priority
by: Anonymous

You can't save your mom if she doesn't want to be saved. You can pray and hope that one day the light will go on and she'll be ready to change, but there are no guarantees. So your priority needs to be being the best possible mother you can be and providing your child with the opportunity for growing up in a loving, harmonious and supportive environment. Hopefully your mother will be able to play an active part in your daughter's life, but if she doesn't don't let that stop your daughter from having the chance to grow into a happy, caring and well-adjusted human being. There is no bigger responsibility than being a parent so best of luck to you.

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