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My Life Is a Lie

Day after day, I live my life with a smile on my face. All my friends ask if I'm fine, but I just reply, "I'm fine, just tired." Just lying to everyone on my life ... my friends, my teachers, I even keep some things from family.

It pains me to see my dad, drunk, hiding in our basement. He doesn't understand that I try to stay away from him when he is drunk. It scares me to see him, arguing with my mom.

Sure everyone sees my life perfect, but it's not, it isn't possible to leave at the time. We have so many plans: my brother and my braces, my scholarship program, and yet ... I feel like I'm stuck in a circle, always looping back to that one problem of my dad's alcoholism.

I want to scream out the truth, but I'm scared. Scared of all the profanities in my life, of what others will think, what they'll do. When I see my mom cry herself to sleep ... I just can't bear to see her with all this pain.

I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I wish that I could just go to sleep and never wake up; all this pressure from school and home are dragging me down.

Over the last few months, I have been so depressed about things, that I almost committed suicide. I had already gone emo, cutting my arms, just to show the pain, but it just did not help.

I was lucky enough though to talk to one of my dear friends, telling her how I felt. "I want to die." I had told her, "The pain is so ... crazy that I wrote all of this."

I showed her my journal, it was full of goodbye letters to friends and family, it had images of me ... Killing myself, and it also had so many plans on how I could commit suicide: drowning, hanging, shooting, walking down a busy road, cutting my throat.

That's how insane I became from all the pressure of my dad, along with my grades dropping in school (since I was so worried about my dad drinking and my mom crying). All I have to say to fellow teens ... stay strong with the alcoholic in your family, and don't go down the same road they went down.

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Mar 10, 2013
Thanks Guys
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much, I actually have heard about AA, and the last time we went was years ago. My dad actually stopped drinking for two years, but started back up again. He tried a few weeks ago to go to another one, but it turned out that it was canceled because a different group was using it. We haven't gone ever since, but my mom is trying to find an AA group that's for teens that have alcohol parents nearby. Once again, thank you two so much!

Mar 07, 2013
12 step fellowship
by: Kat

Have you heard of Al - Anon? It's a 12 step program for family members affected by alcoholism. I've heard many great things about it. It may be good for both you and your mother to attend.

Mar 03, 2013
No its Not
by: Anonymous

Your life isn't a lie - its far from it. My mom was an alcoholic so I know. I understand your pain. But ending your life isn't the answer - you have a lot to offer the world and having been through this experience, one day you'll be better for it. Your dad's alcoholism isn't anyone's fault. He's simply ill. It's not a nice thing to see, but don't take this all on. You can't change him. What you can do is make sure you do everything in your power to be the best person you can be - study hard, get good grades and create a wonderful future for yourself. Don't deprive the world of your talents, beauty, courage and strength. Talk to someone. Your friend is a great place to start. Don't hold it all inside, it's too much for one person to handle. Hang in there and stay strong.

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