My Husbands Depression and Alcoholism
I feel guilt because my husband is depressed. He has been battling alcoholism and trying to recover for 6 years and his attempts always fail. I have moved on even though we still live in the same home.
I left for the beach last Saturday and he has been calling me crying about how lonely and depressed he is. When I am there he barely speaks - comes home drinking, expecting supper and goes to bed complaining about everything from work to feeling bad???
He is not supposed to drive (no license)- but he still does. He has no money, no friends, and is having a pity party. Why do I feel so bad?
Hi CBDepression and Alcoholism
do go hand in hand, especially because alcohol is a natural depressant and so only makes things worse.
Feeling bad is natural, often also because alcoholics are great at playing the self-pity game, and so use that as a form of manipulation to get us to feel sorry for them.
But doing that helps no one and you need to learn not to be an emotional dumping ground for your husband - because it actually just enables his behavior.
How hard has your husband actually tried to achieve sobriety? Has he been to rehab, worked a recovery program, gone to regular meetings ... basically made the commitment to turning his life around?
Because if he has, I don't think he'd be sitting around feeling sorry for himself. He chooses to remain an alcoholic ... when if he wanted it badly enough, he could choose a life of sobriety instead - because there is all the help and support out there available for him to achieve that if he wanted it.
Remember you didn't cause your husband's alcoholism, can't control his alcoholism, and neither can you cure it. So there is nothing to feel bad about. Your husband is entirely responsible for the choices he makes - if he wants to change and quit drinking
badly enough, he'll make it happen.
I know it can sound harsh, but feeling sorry for him doesn't help. A bit of straight talking might actually be more helpful and break down those barriers keeping him stuck in a cycle of addiction.
Best of Luck