My Husband Roland's Battle With Drugs.

by Crystal
(Hampton Va)

I lost my husband on September 12, 2011. I awoke to silence which is unusual since my husband was a heavy snorer. The last thing he spoke to me that night before I went to bed was "hon I will be right back". I knew where he was going and for what ... I tried to get him to just lay down but that proved useless.

I will never forget that night!! I awoke at 4 in the morning to find my husband of 11 yrs dead on our couch. His best friend struggling to breathe and in that moment my life changed forever! With our 8yr old son sleeping upstairs with his friend till this day I believe God covered their ears from my screams.

After that was a blurr, with police coming and the paramedics and the sounds of sirens that still to this day bother me. Come to find out my husband overdosed on heroin, cut with fenatyl. I knew my husband did cocaine but not heroin, so I go on believing he didn't know what it was.

Even I knew what it was when the officer showed me packets on my kitchen table, I won't lie I used cocaine also. I live everyday with the grief, guilt and pain of blaming myself for not saving him! Many people have told me it was God's way so by taking my husband God saved me!

In a way I believe that, I'm since off drugs, moved out of state and am the mother to my son I've always wanted to be. I know my husband didn't mean to take his life - addiction did! What I want everyone to know is Roland was a very good person, father and husband - he just had a disease, which was stronger than he was!

Roland if you could see me now I want you to know that a day doesn't go by that I don't think of you baby! I love you and miss you, your wife Crystal.