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My Husband is an Alcoholic, I am Tired & Confused. Don't Know What Direction to Go?

I have been married for twenty years, my husband started out drinking occasionally, but I didn't think too much of it. (Probably was hidden from me) - he also drinks from the time he gets up, when he is not working.

We used to do everything together, this is one of the things I loved about him. The last couple of years I have caught him in one lie after another. He has started calling me names, telling me to leave - he pays the bills - nothing is mine, I work PT now, I can't afford to live on my own, I am sixty yrs old, and he is fifty one.

I cry all the time, mad at myself. I was attending Al Anon, I don't talk a lot in the meetings, mostly listen. He tells me he can't stand to be with me, that's why he leaves and stays around guys who drink too. Whenever I ask him to help me around the house, he refuses.

He knocks holes in the walls breaks up things, whenever I try to talk to him, I really think he wants me to leave. I love him but also I have no where to go, as I said before I can't afford to move, I'm tired and don't want to start over again. This is my second marriage. I try to stay away from him but when you live in the same house its hard to detach. Need Guidance! Answer

Keep going to Al Anon, even if all you do is listen. In time you will gain more strength, courage and clarity of purpose as to what to do. There is no easy or quick fix - but things are never hopeless - even if it seems that way.

You can't control your husband or the decisions he makes with his life - so if he wants to continue drinking and living a life of alcoholism - there isn't a lot you can do.

But as much as you can't control your husband - you do have control over your own choices, your own happiness. So as long as you're with your husband, you're going to have to learn to detach from what he does, and focus on doing the things that give you joy and peace of mind. Live your own life, spend time with your friends/family, and find things to do that you enjoy.

It takes effort and commitment, but you can do it. And don't think it's impossible to start over. Sure it would be hard, but if it's clear your marriage isn't going to improve and your husband isn't going to do anything about his alcoholism - would you rather live in misery for the next 20-30 years of your life - or tough it out for a few years while you set up your own life?

It's never too late. Try talking to a few people at Al Anon and so slowly build your own support network. It will help tremendously and in time the more you focus on yourself and your own happiness - the more things will start falling into place for you, and so you'll develop the confidence to make decisions that support rather than hinder you.

Good Luck and God Bless.

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