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My Husband is Addicted to Crack ... About to Divorce Him But Feel Guilty

by Tricia

me and my hubby

me and my hubby

Me and my husband have been married for 7 years and have a 2,3,4 and 9 year old. He has been an addict for over 20 years. Of the 7 years we have been married we have only been actually together for a year (the kids are not his biologically except the oldest).

He took off for 6 years and I found him again and brought him home because I loved him. He is constantly disappearing for days/weeks at a time, I search for him and when I finally find him he begs for forgiveness and I allow him back home.

I have threatened divorce, locked him out of the house, packed his belongings and have told him repeatedly I cannot keep doing this ... it hurts not knowing if he is hurt, dead etc. when he leaves but he still continues the same pattern.

I am so tired of all the drama and I am ready in my mind to give up ...but my heart is having a hard time letting go. I just do not know what to do - I am stuck.

He is an excellent husband and father when he is home but here lately he is gone more often than home. He even sold the things I got him for Christmas, his wedding ring etc ... should I give up on him????


Hi Tricia

Sometimes the only way to save someone is to let them go. Because when someone like your husband is then forced from a safe environment like his home - it gives him the wake up call he badly needs.

But when it comes to addiction - there are no guarantees. Some make it, some don't. Your husband needs help for his addiction. He needs to go through a proper treatment program and then find a recovery program like NA to help him stay clean.

But you can't force him to get help and do those things. The fact that he's disappeared 6 years out of 7 means his addiction is that bad that everything else in his life, including you and the kids, come a distant 2nd to the crack. Until something clicks in his brain and says 'enough is enough' - nothing you say or do will get him to change. And for some unfortunately that switch never goes off and their addiction kills them.

So try and convince your husband he needs professional help - and that if he agrees to it and commits to turning his life around, you're prepared to keep working at the marriage. If not it's the end. But don't hold out too much hope your message will have much of an impact.

Fact is, you can't keep your life on hold while your husband destroys himself and puts his addiction first. You have kids that deserve to be brought up in a loving and supportive environment, which no addicted father can provide. And of course you deserve a relationship where you're treated with love and respect - not always 2nd fiddle to the drugs and the worries that brings.

So don't feel guilty if you're ready to divorce him. You need to move on with your life for your sake as well as the kids. I know it's not easy - but remember you didn't cause your husband's addiction, you can't control his addiction and you can't cure his addiction.

He has to want it for himself - and until that happens, nothing is going to change and you'll simply end up fighting a losing battle. God Bless and Good Luck

Comments for My Husband is Addicted to Crack ... About to Divorce Him But Feel Guilty

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Feb 18, 2012
Pray About It
by: Anonymous

I didnt marry my addict. He is actually my fiance and I feel like maybe I need to run before the situation gets any worst. I have known him for 5 years. I didnt learn about his addiction until I had already falen in love with him. He too would get missing and it came to a point in which he just confessed his addiction. We have been fignting this battle for 5 years now. He can stay clean as long as there is no opportunity to get high but when the opportunity presents itself he always falls short. He can stay clean for months then fall short, then clean, then we are back at starting over again. I love this man with all my heart but something has got to change. I dont want to enable him, but at the same time I dont want to loose him. He too has gotten abusive at times when he felt like I was against him when in reality, I am not against him, I just want him to get help. I feel your pain. Trust me, I feel it because tears are falling from my eyes. In my mind I just want to be happy. In my heart, I just want to be happy with him. I have a child and I have to look out for me and my son so I am going to pray for the answer. God has never forsaken me and I know he loves me and will guide me in the right direction. I will pray to God tonight May God be with you also. You are not alone.

Jan 27, 2012
same boat...pray and be strong together
by: Anonymous

I know what youre going through... im there too. Were enablers. I have been an addict, too, but have been clean for almost a decade. Being in the cycle is so hard on not only you but the kids. The best thing in the world to do is walk away knowing you tried... being an enabler is the thing keeping us from leaving. Thank you for sharing your story, it helps knowing that others are in the same position. God bless.

Sep 17, 2011
by: Anonymous


Don't give up. Just get inside your room, lock your door, kneel down and cry to God. Tell Him the problem and how you feel. Ask Him to solve the problem.

Surely God will answer you.

God bless you

Aug 04, 2010
Is it worth dying for?
by: Aria

I understand, I have been there. When I met my hubby he was drug free but told me his past. He was provider, a listener, a loving person.
I was warned about the 'rollercoaster' should I marry him but I went with my heart. Wrong choice.
What I learned about crack addiction- it is as bad as heroion to kick. There will almost always be a relaspe. There was always some drama- some ups and downs. Emotional blackmail, childish behavior.
You know your man best. So it is up to you to decide whether to keep him or not.
You have children who you are to put first. If you continue in all the drama, your kids are going to suffer - BELIEVE IT!
If he chronically relapses like my ex did- then he needs conseling and treatment. He has to never forget where he was. He has to always work at it. One slip and he's done.
Does he seem like the type thatcan do it? Or does he disappear to get high and come back and says sorry and you take him back? Do you start the process over and over and over?
You know what you have to do. You know the trust is gone. You know yours and the kids needs arent being met. Move on now before it drains the life out of you. Stress kills- is he really worth dying for? If you said yes, you need some help yourself.

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