My Husband Gets Violent and Abusive When He's Drunk. Is Leaving Him the Right Thing To Do?
I’m married to a man who gets violent and abusive when he’s drunk, which is often. I’ve threatened to leave I don’t know how many times, but he always apologises and says he’s real sorry, that he’ll change and all the rest of it. At first I believed him, then I hoped he would, now I know it’s not going to happen.
I love him, but I can’t put myself through this anymore. We’ve got a couple of young kids, and thank God so far he’s never touched them. Most of his violent and abusive episodes tend to happen quite late after he’s been drinking for most the day, so luckily the kids are usually asleep in bed by then so they’ve never actually seen how he becomes.
I think I’ve managed to explain away the bruises, cuts and black eyes to them, but they’re getting older now so my stories won’t wash for much longer. All my family and friends know the truth by now because they’re obviously not stupid and they all say I must leave him.
The thing is, he’s a real good father when he’s sober and great with the kids. But I can’t let him do this to me anymore.
Abuse and violence is under NO circumstances acceptable. No matter how apologetic your husband is afterwards. Besides being an alcoholic it also means he’s got other deeper emotional issues at play that result in him acting out the way he does.
Your husband needs help – and not only for his drinking/alcoholism – but to address whatever is at the root of causing him to act out violently and abusively after he’s had too much to drink.
You now need to be firm and tell him that until he’s gone to get help for both his alcohol problem and propensity towards violence, you and the kids are moving out. And only once he’s significantly changed his behaviour in that he’s been sober and had no violent outbursts for at least 6 months, will you consider reconciling.
There is nothing you can do to change your husband. But hopefully by taking a firm stance in this way, he’ll then be motivated to getting help and making the changes he needs to. And if he doesn’t, you at least know you’ve protected yourself and the children from his abuse and violence.
Because you cannot under any circumstances, expose your kids to that kind of environment, even if they haven’t yet been directly harmed. Who's to say they they won't be in future?
The fact that you love him does make this seem hard to do. But you’ve got two young kids that depend on you to think of. And as a woman you deserve someone who will treat you with love and respect, not brutality, for which there is no justification for. Ever!
You should also get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (7233) to get their advice and support.
Focus now on surrounding yourself with people that love and care for you and finding a safe environment for you and the kids.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and that everything works out for the best. I'm sure it will. God Bless.