My Husband Drinks On a Daily Basis and Forgets His Responsibilities
Hi, I am a a 30 yr old married woman with a two year old baby girl. My problem is that my husband drinks on a daily basis. His lifestyle is a big nuisance to me and to our growing daughter.
I have been living with him for 4 years. Since I had an arranged marriage I didn't know much about his character or his life style. From the day we got married I have been noticing that my husband has a very weird lifestyle.
For example he wakes up at odd times, doesn't remember things, eats at odd times, once he sleeps, he does as though he hasn't slept in years, he snores and even if something happens around he wouldn't know.
It took me almost a year to know that my husband is addicted to alcohol. After I realized I found it difficult to accept but I slowly started accepting. On regular day he drinks about 5 to 6 pegs a day.
Some days he goes to the bar and comes back around dinner time. He has food and goes to sleep. If he is drinking at home he wouldn't like anyone disturbing him including his daughter.
On the weekends he got to the bar and comes home very late at night. Sometimes 1:30, somedays 3:30 am. Next morning he wakes up very late say by 11:30 am,then he brushes his teeth, takes bath, and had his breakfast.
Then he goes to the bar again and come back around 5:30 pm. Again he goes to sleep and wakes late around 9:30 pm and again he goes to the bar.
Apart from his lifestyle you have to understand as a wife I hardly talk to my husband.
I guess you must have already guessed it by now. We don't have proper husband wife communication. Since he drinks on daily basis I try to put on my best behaviour always since he has physically abused me before. What do I do? Please advice. Also tell how many pegs can a person have in a day?
It's very difficult to do anything to help or change an alcoholic Szarina. Because alcoholics don't change unless they want to change - and that usually only happens (if it happens) once their life starts falling apart. We call it reaching rock bottom.
I imagine the fact that its an arranged marriage doesn't give you a lot of choice in being able to leave your husband for example. Because many wives in western cultures after having been married to an alcoholic for a long time and nothing having changed, will decide to leave their husbands. Not all, but many do.
And the reason is that they realise they're never going to change their husband's and if they want to find happiness, they need to take control of their lives and move away from the bad/toxic influence of their marriages.
It usually takes receiving professional help for someone with alcoholism to turn their life around, like going to a rehab facility for example. I'm not sure if that's something that is available where you live?
But a good place for you to start would be to speak to someone you trust and tell them what's happening, like a friend or family member. Otherwise it becomes a heavy burden to carry alone.
Also, best not challenge or speak to your husband when he is drunk, especially if he gets abusive. Just let him be. But perhaps when he is sober, you can try and have a conversation with him and explain to him that you and your daughter want to spend more time with him, doing things together as a family.
Maybe if you start doing more activities together as a family, it will help distract him from wanting to drink all the time. It's difficult to give you a good answer, because being from a different culture may mean the way things are done where you live is different.
You should also try and speak to a medical professional in your country, like a Doctor. Ask them how you should handle it and what options/treatments are available for someone with alcoholism.
I know its hard for you, but that's why it's important you spend time with people that love you like family and friends. Don't let your husband's behavior get you down or upset you. Focus on your own and your daughter's well-being, and hopefully at some point your husband will realise he needs to change.