My Husband Drinks Excessively and its Making Me Drink More
Sometimes I drink way too much. I drink because my husband drinks too much and so I do try and 'keep up' in a sense. Now I drink more than I ever have and yet I still cannot drink to the same capacity as my husband does.
I have been a 'single parent' mostly because my husband is away from home and not interested in anything outside of his own career. His lifestyle is performance related and that means no good results, no money. This has been going on pretty much since we were married, now almost 15 years.
As a 'professional' sportsman my husband is expected to attain winning results. Unfortunately, and mostly due to his alcohol abuse, he has not been able to provide financially for his family.
After almost 16 years of this and after reading this website I am, now more than ever, committed to making changes for my children and myself. I realise that the damages caused are never going away. Never! Ever, EVER!
I have waisted so much time in life and on negative energies that I am drained; physically, emotionally, religiously and personally.
There is no clear picture as to the future as I cannot even begin to remove myself and my children from this environment. I have no money, no job and whilst I have and continue to try find gainful employment, nothing is going my way.
Nonetheless, I will not give up on my attempts to make a better, more self actualising and emotionally committed, to my life skills projects. Be good and if you can't be G=d, then be a Dog, 'they are a man's best friend' = as is G=d.
Congrats on coming to the realisation that 'if it is to be, it's up to me.' No matter how difficult our home environments may be due to things like having an alcoholic and un-supportive spouse - our happiness and well-being are still our own responsibility.
You can't control your husband and his alcohol abuse, but you can control your own responses and how you go about living your life. Sure it isn't easy to live in an environment like you are, but that doesn't mean you have to give away your power and let your husband destroy your emotional well-being.
So it's important that you've come to the realisation that really it's not your husband making you drink more - but that you're ultimately choosing to do so. By making the decision to start focusing on yourself and do what is best for you and your children, is a massive step forward and one you should be proud of.
Because in doing so, even though you don't see a way out now or a solution to the difficulties of your relationship, the more energy you put into your emotional well-being and doing what is best for your children, the more things will start going your way and in time new doors and opportunities will open to you.
So keep hanging in there and don't give up. You've started on a new journey and the longer you keep at it, the more you'll notice that amazing changes start happening in your life.