My Husband Doesn't Think He Has a Drinking Problem

My husband of 22 yrs doesn't think he has a drinking problem. When confronted about him drinking I'm told I'm the one lying and I'm the one with the problem. I don't drink and I despise what it's doing to my family as well as other families.

My husband even cut his wrist 4 yrs ago yet to this day he blames me because they put him in a mental ward, then a mental hospital and I did break down and got him out. He is self employed and our only source of income so if he didn't get out to work we would be homeless - his mother, our children and myself.

Our children are of age and still live at home working and going to college. There are times he won't answer the phone when he is called. Then when he does get home he is drunk. Yet says I'm crazy and calls me names. I lost my grandmother who I was very close to and when I go to funeral home he shows up drinking, same as when my niece was brutally murdered.

Whenever we have plans he ruins it by drinking. When our daughter was married her only request to her dad was please don't drink. He started drinking early that morning. I'm at my wits ends. I don't know what to do anymore. I used to work with him and did for 20 yrs in his business - never drew a paycheck.

I had my own business as well I gave up my business to take care of his father 10 yrs ago. His father passed away and I wanted to go back to work with my husband thinking that might help him not drink. He didn't want me there. At least once a week he comes home so drunk you never know how in the world he made it home.

He comes home starts a fight then takes off on foot and doesn't show up until the next morning. He threatens to kill himself all the time when I say I can't take it anymore - it's not fair to our children or his mother nor is it fair to me. Our daughter graduated from high school, another very important event. What does he do - shows up drinking.

I'm not able to work anymore due to health issues can someone please give me some advice on what to do. I'm at my wits ends I can't take it anymore. I feel so lost and alone.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Somehow you're going to have to accept the fact that you can't control your husband and the choices he makes, i.e. whether he continues to drink or not. So you're going to have to focus on what you can control - YOU and the choices you make.

It isn't easy, especially having lived with your husband's alcoholism for so long, but it can be done. And a good place to start is to surround yourself with people who know and understand what you're going through, so you don't feel so lost and alone. So engaging with a group like Al-Anon (for loved one's and family members of alcoholics) can really make what you're going through a lot more bearable.

Through Al-Anon you'll also learn about things like personal responsibility and how to take care of your own well-being again, while helping you understand you can't cure or control someone who struggles with alcoholism. Plus having others to talk to who can relate to what you're going through, will mean you'll learn how to manage what you're going through far more effectively.

It's natural to feel things are hopeless and that you're all alone, but if you want things to change you have to empower yourself with the knowledge and the right support structures to do so. And that's where Al-Anon can really help you.

Whatever you do, don't isolate and try and bear this burden alone. But at the same time nothing is going to change for you, if you don't go out and try and make it happen. All we can do is encourage you and point you in the right direction, then it's up to you to take necessary action.

Ultimately if your husband isn't prepared to address his alcoholism, you have to make the decision whether your marriage is something you want to continue with. And if you decide not, then seeking good legal advice to ensure you are adequately provided for is essential. Unfortunately there are many marriages that don't survive alcoholism so getting a legal opinion shouldn't be difficult. It's never nice to hear that, but you have to consider all the options.

All the Best

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