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My Husband always Blames Me for the Reason he Drinks (Alcoholism) and the Reason he Goes and does Irrational Things ... and now He's Using it as an Excuse to My Kids for his Behaviour ... How Do I Stop This?"

I don't know how to respond when he uses me as an excuse. I always say "its your choice to drink, it's your choice to go out and run around, it's your choice" - but he always manages to find a way to put the blame back on me and now he is using it as excuse to the kids "well if your mom didn't do this then I wouldn't go and do this.."

I have always been here for my kids and I am the only sober and reliable person they have and I am scared of what they will become hearing this all the time.


You can't control what your husband says or does unfortunately - only your responses. But when you do respond you can make it very clear to your husband that him blaming you is simply his way of of failing to take responsibility for his problem (alcoholism) - and blaming you is an easy way out because it allows him to continue living in denial.

Be firm and don't let him get away with his manipulative methods. Because that is what alcoholics do - manipulate and do whatever is necessary to protect their addiction. So make sure your kids understand that and realise what is going on. Don't turn them against their father, but simply help educate them about the disease of alcoholism so that they become aware of what it involves and how it effects someone.

But the big question you need to ask yourself - why do you continue to stay in such an unhealthy environment? If you're worried about what it's doing to your kids (and rightly so) - shouldn't you be looking to provide them with a more loving, healthy and harmonious environment? Not to mention a happier one for yourself?

You can't control your husband and his drinking unfortunately. If and until he decides he wants to quit drinking and is ready to change his ways, things are destined to continue as they are. In fact they'll probably get worse because alcoholism is progressive.

So maybe it's time you gave your husband an ultimatum - "get help and turn your life around, or I leave." That might motivate him to want to change, but there are no guarantees and until he decides he wants to change, there really isn't much more you can do.

But whatever he does shouldn't prevent you from seeking happiness and fulfilment for your life. You might not be able to control your husband's choices, but you can certainly control yours.

Good Luck.

Comments for My Husband always Blames Me for the Reason he Drinks (Alcoholism) and the Reason he Goes and does Irrational Things ... and now He's Using it as an Excuse to My Kids for his Behaviour ... How Do I Stop This?"

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Apr 22, 2012
Great you are leaving him
by: Anonymous

Go Girl. Divorce him. Be brave and find a partner who will love you and who wants to be a apart of your live in every sense. I know what it feels like. It's the loneliest place in the world residing with a partner who is emotionally unavailable and then blames the you for what he does. I consider it to be emotional abuse. I plan to be as brave as you really soon.
It's the injustice I resent so much. All these years trying to help, understand, and what for? Numbness responses and cowardice blamng.

Be strong, move forward, exhale and believe in yourself.

Good Luck


Jul 21, 2010
My husband blames me for his alcholisim
by: Anonymous

I have been married for 25 years. the first 20 years were good, the last 5 have been a train wreck! My husband and I use to socialize and drink with eachother/friends. However, he began to progress. It has ruined our marriage, my children are terrifyed, I am and have been in therapy. I have done verything to possibly help him. I have had it! I have lost everything, my credit, my mind and my self-esteem. I have been separated since Oct 2009, he has been forced into a rehab now to avoid jail time, he still doesn't get it, he still has not surrendered and he tells everyone in the center he drinks because of me that he wishes I would divorce him. Well I am gonna stop worrying and hoping he sees the light and I AM GONNA DIVORCE HIM!

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