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My Ex-Husband Is an Alcoholic. Would This Stop Him Wanting To Be a Father to His Kids ?

My ex-husband has had 3 marriages and now living with wife number 4 (to be). I am wife number 2, since the 3rd marriage after begging and pleading to see his kids, the 3rd wife divorced him - I assume because he spent too much time with his kids.

He then came back to live with me and his kids - him and I never got involved physically - we were doing this for the kids. After 2 years the drinking was becoming out of control (excessive he drinks every night) so I threatened and pleaded, and listened to the sorry stories - the final straw was sitting in the pubs again - and so I asked him to leave.

Strangely enough he left without a fight - the next day discovered he had moved in with another women whom he had met and known for a month. Since he's been gone he's made no contact with his kids, no effort to see them etc.

Is this normal behaviour for an alcoholic? Or is it just because his attention is elsewhere? How would I know if the wife to be number 4 is going to be the one? Can she stop his drinking? Answer

There is no such thing as normal behavior for an alcoholic - it can be irrational, unpredictable and selfish at the best of times. So whether your husband decides to play a more active role with his children is impossible to predict.

So the best thing you can do is not to worry about what he's going to do/not do ... and get back to living your life. Hopefully once the novelty with this new woman wears off, he will start paying attention to his children again, so reassure them that their dad loves them while educating them about what's happening and why he behaves the way he does. They have a right to know.

But the important thing is for you to get back to focusing on yourself and your well-being ... doing the things that make you happy. And if that means getting help so you can start to move on, then go for it.

Because dealing with that kind of negative and toxic energy will no doubt have effected you (and the children), so it's important that you learn how to let go and not let your ex-husband's behavior impact your well-being.

Whether he eventually overcomes his alcoholism is something no one can predict or control ... so best not to waste any emotional energy thinking or worrying about it. But achieving that state doesn't necessarily come naturally - and so getting help can make a tremendous difference in helping you get there.

Groups for family members like Al-Anon are also incredibly powerful and is something the kids can also get involved in. Because being surrounded by others who understand what you're going through can make getting through the tough times so much easier.

Take care and all the best

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