My Eldest Son is Addicted to Weed and Maybe More. What Do I Do About Him In My Will?
I have three children two boys and a girl. My eldest son is addicted to smoking weed and maybe more I just don't know. He gets jobs then loses them because he always tells his boss how to run his business and what he is doing wrong and proves to be unreliable in turning up or working when he is at work. He sometimes has paranoia.
He is a really personable 37 year old and appears confident and up together, has had a good education and is bright but was introduced to weed at uni when he left home and has given up on further training several times though he always starts afresh with all good intentions. He has a wife and two young children who have parted from him now unable to cope with his laziness and way of life.
When he got married we gave him £28,000 to help him buy a house and his wife's family helped too. That house is now sold and he has his share of he proceeds, I suspect that money will be gone soon. Currently, he pays rent for a room to live in.
I have been divorced from his father for three years now and have a new partner. My concern is what do I do in my will? My partner left his house to his wife for his three young children and then had to file for bankruptcy so my house from the divorce settlement is in my name and will be left to my three children.
I am loathe to leave my son a third of my estate for him to kill himself with through drug abuse and waste what has been so hard earned, enough to help cause a divorce from his father, yet I can't ignore him as one
of my children and don't want to leave problems when I go.
Any helpful guidance would be appreciated here I have not made a new will since my divorce as I just don't know what to do about my son mostly and then after that my partner, we have been together for 2 year now and he is 10 years older than me at 70.
Gosh, this probably isn't the correct forum to be answering a question like that. Because even though your son abuses drugs now, what's to say he will be still when you die? You're wanting to make a decision now on something that could still change dramatically in future, i.e. your son's behavior.
Yes, we advise parents and loved one's not to enable a child's or partner's addiction by refusing to provide financial support for example, and while we can see where you're coming from, is leaving your son out of a will the same thing?
Maybe it's worth having a conversation with your son and telling him what your intentions are, i.e. that you don't plan on including him in your will because you're concerned he'll simply blow all the money he stands to inherit on drugs - but that you'd like him to prove you wrong, because it's not a course of action you particularly want to take.
It's a really difficult one to answer and that's why we always say, you have to trust your instincts and do what you think is best. As long as your intentions are good and you've thought things through carefully, do what feels right. Perhaps it may also be worth taking legal advice to see if using something like a trust could help address some of your concerns, i.e. your son having free access to that money.