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My Drug Addicted Son is Out of Control - What Should I Do?

by Bob

My name is Bob my son is 19 and he is always on Xanax (Bars) and I think something called blues. He got kicked out of college, he is home and does not work. He has been arrested 2 times for marijuana.

He is becoming violent ... he breaks things in the house and punches holes in the walls. I told him to leave but he refuses even when I threaten to call the Police - he says he will tell them that I hit him and press charges on me. I love my son and he was a great kid but once he turned 17 the problem has become a nightmare. Please I need help ... I don’t know what to do.


Hi Bob

You can't let your son effectively hold you to ransom in the way he is. If you were to call the police, they'd quickly be able to disprove any accusations he makes against you.

The point is, you're letting your son dictate terms to you, and in doing so, you basically end up enabling his behavior. He knows he can walk all over you so he does.

You're going to have to learn to establish clear boundaries as to what kind of behavior you deem acceptable in YOUR house. And if your son doesn't like those - well he's going to have to bear the consequences.

Now I know this is all easier said than done in practice, so you may need to enlist some help in getting you to that point with your son. A good place to start would be an Addictions Counselor, especially one working at an addictions treatment facility. They can coach and help you get to the point where you can communicate and establish those boundaries with your son.

Another avenue that will help a great deal is Naranon. They're a group created for parents and family members of addicts. There you'll be able to talk to others who've experienced what you have and who can offer you advice as to what the best way to approach things are.

But it all boils down to you making an attitudinal shift and no longer allowing yourself to be a doormat to your son's intimidation and behavior. If he sees you're serious about adopting a tough approach and no longer being prepared to put up with his 'crap', he'll be forced to start amending his ways, at least as long as he wants to stay in your house.

He knows currently your threats are just that ... and so continues to behave as he does. The sooner you begin responding differently, the sooner you actually start helping your son because then you're no longer allowing him to get away with all the stuff he does now. He needs to start experiencing consequences for his actions.

Best of Luck.

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Feb 29, 2012
My addict son
by: Mom

After 4 years of gradual increase into harder drugs my 19 yr old is now determined to continue doing Xanax and I suspect heroin. He just started a job which as soon as he got paid he bought enough drugs to take me to my limit. I gave him a choice... Respect my house being drug free or move out. I had said this to him many times before but never carried it out. This time I did it. He chose to leave last Sunday . I have not heard directly from him but know he is getting to work. I also found out he went to work high today and his boss will probably fire him tomorrow . My old me would of intervened but it is his consequences. I'm learning to let go. Why keep on doing more of the same when it didn't work . True I think about him 24/7 and pray like never before....but he can no longer rule my life.

Mar 29, 2010
Put your foot down!
by: Anonymous

You can't let your son threaten and control you like that. Cops can't do anything to you without evidence. By not taking a stand against your son you just inadvertently enable him further. Tough and firm love is the approach you need to adopt. Talk to people at Naranon who can offer advice and support, but you can't let things carry on as they are.

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