My Drug Addicted Son is Out of Control - What Should I Do?

by Bob

My name is Bob my son is 19 and he is always on Xanax (Bars) and I think something called blues. He got kicked out of college, he is home and does not work. He has been arrested 2 times for marijuana.

He is becoming violent ... he breaks things in the house and punches holes in the walls. I told him to leave but he refuses even when I threaten to call the Police - he says he will tell them that I hit him and press charges on me. I love my son and he was a great kid but once he turned 17 the problem has become a nightmare. Please I need help ... I don’t know what to do.

Answer

Hi Bob

You can't let your son effectively hold you to ransom in the way he is. If you were to call the police, they'd quickly be able to disprove any accusations he makes against you.

The point is, you're letting your son dictate terms to you, and in doing so, you basically end up enabling his behavior. He knows he can walk all over you so he does.

You're going to have to learn to establish clear boundaries as to what kind of behavior you deem acceptable in YOUR house. And if your son doesn't like those - well he's going to have to bear the consequences.

Now I know this is all easier said than done in practice, so you may need to enlist some help in getting you to that point with your son. A good place to start would be an Addictions Counselor, especially one working at an addictions treatment facility. They can coach and help you get to the point where you can communicate and establish those boundaries with your son.

Another avenue that will help a great deal is Naranon. They're a group created for parents and family members of addicts. There you'll be able to talk to others who've experienced what you have and who can offer you advice as to what the best way to approach things are.

But it all boils down to you making an attitudinal shift and no longer allowing yourself to be a doormat to your son's intimidation and behavior. If he sees you're serious about adopting a tough approach and no longer being prepared to put up with his 'crap', he'll be forced to start amending his ways, at least as long as he wants to stay in your house.

He knows currently your threats are just that ... and so continues to behave as he does. The sooner you begin responding differently, the sooner you actually start helping your son because then you're no longer allowing him to get away with all the stuff he does now. He needs to start experiencing consequences for his actions.

Best of Luck.

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