My Drug Addicted Daughter Loves Her Drugs More Than Her Kids. How Do I Handle This?
My daughter is addicted to opana and so is her boyfriend. They lost custody of their children who are 1 and 3 months old. The boyfriend's parents have temp custody. They had a court date yesterday, for which they didn't show up.
My daughter is causing drama about every 3 days calling for money from everyone in my family. We united as a family and stopped giving them money. She makes up the most believable lies you can imagine just to get money.
They are living with another couple who are also drug addicts. When I tell her I will not give her money she turns into this monster saying I don't love her, she hates me, I'm a terrible mother. I feel guilty because I won't give her money but I know I can't support her habit.
We have already lost a family member to an overdose and she saw that it would seem she could end up dead like he did - but that's not stopping her. How do I handle this monster who could care less about her babies? I'm in a screaming match with her every other day and I'm about to lose my mind with these fights with her and fearing she will die. What do I do? I'm lost ...
You have to cut off the oxygen supply that feeds your daughter's drug habit, i.e. no money, don't allow her to manipulate you, don't play her mind games, and if that means you have to stop engaging with her entirely and break off all contact, then that's what you must do.
So when your daughter calls again, tell her you love her, and that when she's ready to turn her life around, get professional help for her addiction, and
commit to a life of sobriety - you'll do whatever you can to help her. But until that point, you can no longer let her emotionally abuse you and manipulate you - so you're going to have to break contact with her.
And then when she tries to call again, don't answer. If she leaves a message, delete it without listening, because it will probably be abusive and upset you. Once she then realises she can no longer get to you and that you refuse to engage her on her level, things will hopefully start to calm down.
Because you can't in any event help your daughter unless she wants to help herself. And it seems it may take a lot for her to get there, considering she's already lost custody of her kids, and that doesn't seem to have made a difference. So don't allow her to feed off all the negative and toxic energy she creates when she calls and starts demanding money, and getting abusive.
You can only hope and pray that things get bad enough for your daughter that she reaches the point where she's ready to turn her life around. Because that's probably what it's going to take, judging by how she's effectively abandoned her kids and chosen a life of addiction, above taking care of her children.
It reaches the point where there is just nothing left to do, other than to make sure you don't enable and in doing so cut off the oxygen supply that feeds your daughter's addiction. Then you need learn to let go and make sure you start taking care of yourself again, so that your daughter doesn't end up destroying you in all this as well. It isn't easy, but hang in there.
All the Best