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My Drug Addicted Daughter Is Out Of Control.

by Juanita

I have a 32 year old daughter who has been using meth/cocaine for several years. I can't be sure exactly how many years I just know she has lost custody of three kids and could lose the child she has now. I don't think she realizes how close she is to having family services getting involved.

She is completely out of control. She's been detoxing for several weeks or even months. She has become extremely angry, argumentative, paranoid, extremely violent, etc. She is at the bottom of the totem pole with insecurity. She thinks everyone is out to get her. So much that no one in the immediate family wants to try to help her anymore. Including me.

I think I have been her biggest enabler. I'm in bad health and when ever something happens, I start having chest pains. I've had a heart attack and I'm trying to prevent another one. She was in a fight with her older sister and it turned physical and she wound up with a bad black eye. I'm worried about her and I think my older daughter went a little too far, but I also don't want to take sides because I know it will add fuel to the fire.

I can't confront her face to face because to be honest I'm afraid of her. The same thing happened with my sister and resulted in a broken relationship with her. I know the same thing will happen with my daughter if she doesn't go to rehab. I am really, really scared. Answer

Hi Juanita

No one can help your daughter unless she's ready and prepared to help herself. Victim mentality and the feeling that the whole world is against you is a common trait amongst drug addicts. Only once your daughter is able to accept full responsibility for her life and where she is now, will she ever be able to turn her life around and get clean long-term.

Because until she accepts full responsibility, there is always an excuse to keep using drugs. If there is someone else to blame in one way or another, the problem doesn't lie with her, and so in her own mind she is fully justified in behaving the way she does.

So the only way to help your daughter is to start holding her accountable by making sure she experiences the full consequences that come with choosing a life of drug addiction. That means no enabling and making sure she's allowed to fall ... and fall hard if need be ... so that it becomes more painful to continue with a life of drugs, than it would be to admit to her problem and ask for help. It's about allowing her to bottom out.

Now you'd think that having lost custody of 3 of her kids would bring her to that point, but obviously even that hasn't been enough, and she still simply isn't ready to turn her life around. And unfortunately for some it takes a hell of a lot and they have to lose literally everything - before they wake up and are ready to change. Others continue living in denial and their addiction ends up killing them.

You can only hope and pray it doesn't get to that with your daughter, and with your health concerns, you need to be especially careful. So if that means it gets to the point where you have to say to your daughter, 'I love you, but until you get to the point where you're ready to get help and turn your life around, I can't have you in my life anymore,' then that's unfortunately what you have to do.

Because it's important you have your own boundaries and don't ultimately let your daughter's addiction destroy you too. That's why it's important you develop a strong support structure, which is where groups like Nar-Anon can be fantastic. Having others to talk to who understand what you're going through is invaluable.

Take Care and All the Best

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