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My Daughter's Father is Still Drinking and Breaking Boundaries, How Do I Stay Strong?

I posted about a year ago how my two year olds father would not get help for his drinking, well a year later he still continues to come to my house after drinking, acts abusive to me and manipulates her (and she's only 3).

I have decided that he can no longer see her, visit with her or talk to her. His presence in her life causes harm and from what I can see not any good.

My final straw was his ditching out on a 28 day in-patient rehab facility that my counselor and his doctors helped secure him a space in free of charge.

Before he was to leave he was crying and carrying on and causing all kinds of drama about how much he would miss our daughter etc. while in 28 days of rehab. I told him, well it's either 28 days that you'll miss her or a lifetime, we can not continue to live walking on eggshells, never knowing when you're going to "visit" or what condition you will be in. Your illness has put our lives on hold and I can not continue to allow our daughter to see your erratic behavior as an example of how grown ups behave.

For me to get into ALL all the dirty details would be more cathartic than helpful to my central question, which is basically, I need advice/help on how to hold my resolve, to not back down and to not give in. Answer

You hold your resolve by continuously reminding yourself why you've had to take this course of action - you can not afford to expose your daughter to the toxicity of his alcoholic behavior, i.e. the manipulation, abuse etc.

It's not like you didn't give him the choice and provide him with an opportunity for redemption. Rehab was ready and waiting ... a golden opportunity provided for him to start his journey of recovery and turn his life around. And he blew it! He chose alcohol instead of trying to make an effort to become the kind of father his daughter will one day be proud of.

So you don't need to feel bad. Of course he will try and twist and manipulate the situation to make it all seem like your fault. But that's simply him refusing to take responsibility for his life and a clear sign that he isn't ready to do anything about his alcoholism.

Keep reminding yourself of why you've had to do this and how you've given him every opportunity to do something about his drinking problem. Ultimately however you have to do what's best for you and your daughter.

All the Best

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by: Anonymous

Thank you for your response.

So today my alcoholic ex's mother passes away and I am feeling very guilty for not letting him come over to share his grief.

However I know that there will always be a crisis that he wants us to help/fix and support him through, I WILL remain strong, I will not allow him to put this on the back of a three year old little girl, he is the parent, not her.

I could use some encouragment if anyone is out there. Thanks

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