My Daughter's Boyfriend Is Addicted to Drugs. But She Doesn't See How Toxic He Is For Her

by Tina
(Ohio)

My daughter and her boyfriend are in their 20's and have an infant daughter together, her boyfriend is an addict. They live nearby and are ALWAYS in need of help. She works and of course, he doesn't.

He steals her money and anything of value that she owns. She always comes to me crying because he stole her money or her car is broke, she can't get to work and needs a ride, they have a disconection notice on their electric or they are being evicted from their apartment, etc...

She has moved home numerous times when she is tired of the horrors of living with an addict, just to go home the next day because he went out and looked for a job today. She really believes him when he says that he's really going to try this time. I have reached my limit and need to tell her no but I'm finding it hard because of my grandaughter.

I can't help but think that this innocent child has no fault in all of this. I am in financial trouble myself now because of all of the help we have given them. How do I tell her no and mean it? How will I live with myself when I don't help her? She needs to walk away from this disaster and give her daughter a better life. Why does she not see this? I am really struggling with this and it's driving me nuts.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Tina when you say no you simply have to mean it. Following through is doing what you know you have to even when you don't feel like it. There is no magic formula.

Yes it is unfortunate your granddaughter is stuck in the middle of all this. But if your daughter can't see how toxic her relationship is for her and the effects having a drug addict will have on her daughter in the long-term - she's going to have to learn her lessons the hard way.

You have to let her fall so that she reaches the point where she's had enough and her eyes open to the realities of what's going on. Because by having you to always fall back on, she's always got that 'escape clause' when things get tough for her.

So by taking that away and forcing her to live through the horrors, she's more likely to reach the point where she decides for herself she genuinely wants out. That doesn't mean you shouldn't step in to help look after your granddaughter if required - but any form of direct support to your daughter has to stop.

Best of Luck

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