My Daughter Gets out of Rehab for Heroin Addiction Saturday. Should She Come Back Home?

by TDH
(Illinois)

My daughter is 22 and has always lived at home. She has been using Heroin for 2 years. This is her first inpatient rehab, she was in outpatient rehab last year and did well but relapsed and went right back to her good friend Heroin.

She has shown tremendous progress in this program. She is determined to recover and stay clean. I know this will be a hard road for her. This disease is relentless. My husband and I want her to come home again. Yet I am afraid. It has been two years of lies. She has stolen thousands of dollars from us. We are not wealthy people. We are struggling middle class. She has written checks on our account that we had to cover. She has "borrowed" our credit cards and gotten thousands in cash advances over the past 2 years. She always finds a way.

Now I see inspiration in her eyes and hope in her words. She wants to go back to college. Get a job again ... continue with outpatient therapy.
I just don't know if I am strong enough for her to move home. For the sleepless nights and the fear. Constantly looking over my shoulder to see if everything is still there. Afraid to leave her alone at home because she might find the chequebook or cc? Wondering when she leaves the house if she will meet an old friend and relapse?

We live in a small community. Her druggie friends are relentless and just don't "go away." I love my baby girl. I want to believe and trust her.
I support her completely. But I don't know if I can do this again. The first time she quit on her own. She apologized, she was remorseful for all she had put us through. The second time she went to outpatient and the same scenario.

Now here we are the third time around. Do I welcome my daughter with open arms? Or should she do it on her own? Its killing me. She is my daughter. I love her more than life. Its tearing me apart. But living in fear and depression. Sad, scared, crying all the time. Worrying if we will be able to pay the bills or if she will spend the money first. Its draining all the energy and life out of me. What's the answer?

---

---

Answer

Hi TDH

There is no perfect or definitive answer. You ultimately have to do what you think is best. But if your daughter does seem serious and determined about turning her life around this time - why not give her the chance?

But if you do - there need to be clear ground rules and boundaries in place. If she wants to stay at home - make it clear what your expectations are, e.g. she has to stay clean, go to NA meetings at least 4 times a week, may not hang out with old druggie friends, has to help with chores at home etc etc.

That way she has to begin taking responsibility for her choices and become accountable for the actions she takes. If she then breaks any of those ground rules - then kick her out. But if things seem to be going well for her in Rehab and you sense a shift in her attitude towards her recovery - well hopefully this time it is for good.

There are of course no guarantees and as a parent you will always worry, irrespective, but hopefully by showing some faith in your daughter and at the same time making it very clear what your expectations and conditions are of her if she is going to live at home - she'll embrace that faith and responsibility you've given her and go onto flourish.

I know it's a tough decision to make but trust your instincts and I'm sure you'll make the right one.

Good Luck and God Bless.

+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com